Married..

So my sister gets married on Saturday. Time has flown a tad... and got another email from her today to let me know its 2 sleeps. Quite cute really... it must be a surreal feeling to know that "day" is coming up. So much is keeping me busy I hadnt even thought about it and feel slightly like George Clooney in "In the Air". Wait, was that what it was called?

I had lunch with my Dad the other day and he asked me what part of the wedding I am looking forward to most. Um... hadnt thought about it. Before I could even ask him the same thing he told me his favourite part of the day would be to see my sister and her new husband happy. Which I thought was really sweet. I mentioned to him that I would feel like the odd one out now, as all three of my siblings would then be married, and I am the single, unmarried one. He shrugged and said I was independent and happy and free and thats all that mattered to him, and the rest of his children.

Fair Day was on Sunday. This is part of the Mardi Gras festival and its held in a park and there are stalls for any kind of gay or lesbian related activity you could think of. ie. any straight activity now with a gay version. Sports teams, gardening clubs, even animal acupuncture for gay dogs. Me and my mate Chem were tempted to join the hockey team cause we both loved it at school but then the name turned us off "the bent sticks". Why cant a gay team just have a name that isnt cliche? Fair Day is also one of those days where you want to go just because, and even though its the same as last year. You run into people you really dont want to run into and also realise, hang on, gay culture is kind of crap. Do I even have to identify with all this? There is so much variety and niche groups yet its one big blanket of... not really feeling the belong factor.

Helping my mum go shopping for a wedding outfit for my sister's wedding tonight. I asked her what we are looking for. "A nice pant suit". "

So... like... Ellen?"

"Yes, like Ellen"

"Is this so you look like the cool lesbian mum at the wedding"

"Yes, I want to look like the cool lesbian mum at the wedding".

"Hmmm so not a dress?"

"I dont wear dresses."

So lets see what the outcome is..

Every morning at 7am, this loud horn sound is heard in my street. It is irregular and sounds like the car in Little Miss Sunshine, literally. STILL havent worked out where it is coming from and every morning it happens. And surprised it has gone on for this long without the woman across the road with the straw broom that she shakes at people who piss her off, complaining to the police. She did that once when we had a bonfire in our yard and all the smoke was going inside her house. Respiratory problem? Apologies.

Flushed out

So last night I was sitting outside a pub in the city, in a fairly quiet residential area. My mate went to the bathroom and I sat and stared out at the city, it felt oddly still. Thats my hindsight claim that I knew something weird was about to happen.

Mate came back and then it began to pour down rain, heavy heavy rain. Within a few minutes, the drain pipes were flooded and spraying onto us, and the gutters were full of water. Then the drains didnt allow anymore w

ater to go down and so began to pour over the pavement and across the road. As there were streets above us up the hill, it all funnelled down this one road and the road became a river. Before long, all the manholes in the road were hovering over gushing water coming from the sewers, including the sewerage pipes... and the river was all kinds of colours. Then waves started occuring and little rivers were going off to the sides into people's houses. A cab drove through and got stuck in a hole that used to have a manhole cover

and the side of the taxi panel got ripped off and then floated down the road, as the cab drove off. Then two firetrucks turned up and all the fireman tried to get dressed inside their trucks, which was plain awkward and slow then they got out and went inside a building... no idea why.

Anyways, rain ceased a bit but water kept coming and I felt instantly like a kid and wanted to be out in it. My mate didnt want to get wet but I did, so I said goodbye and went out in it, and ran up the street, feeling the rain on me. Nah this isnt turning into a song, all good.

Ran into another mate up the road and his brothers. They tried to convince me to go to their place with some food and drinks but one looked sketchy so I declined and disappeared in the street, got cash out and had some mexican by myself. Somehow it is acceptable to sit in a take away food store by yourself but to sit in a restaurant by yourself, isnt cool. I dont think I ever have.

Then went to the bar where my best mate works, and sat there and caught up with him, while his drag queen friend had a chat too and told me bad date stories...

Just watching a video clip on TV by The Drums - Wanna Go Surfing, and I have concluded that 2010 clothing style is plain shit and designed for stick people and even on stick people it looks unflattering and like everyone is dressed to look 9.

A time capsule of break

I went away this weekend, to a place where I went with friends Easter last year. It is a getaway where it seems to just take away and drain the worry of stuff (even though we dont have that much to worry about in relation to... antelope drinking at a waterhole) It is just a peaceful place, and there is no schedule or plans, which I am not used to. So it leaves me having no idea what to do! So hung with my friends, read a book, watched the rain fall on the ocean (was a wet weekend) and went swimming A LOT. So much so, Ross and I thought it would be smart to do the following:

- Snorkel in murky water, then decided, hey lets find a clearer spot.

- Oh look there is a clearer spot, on the headland, lets walk there.

- Luke, follow us, it will be fun. Luke disappears and then we discover (only when we got back from our adventure later) fell into a hole amongst the rocks and scratched his body with rocks, during the fall. We just thought he was being Luke and doing his own thing.

- Hopped along the rocks, and whenever I do this, I picture being an Aboriginal person 2000 years ago, hopping along the same rocks and imaging how much easier it would have been, with tougher feet and agility and stuff. These two things we did not have.

- Saw a goanna and due to past experience as a child with goannas (large lizard) stepped quickly to the left, which is more rocks further down, and stumbling and getting a bit of a fright, oh ever so much (Enid Blyton anyone?) . The reason for the fear is a goanna did not act scared last time I approached one and it bolted towards me and tried to run up me. Nah, not a tree. This time he was chilled (assume he was a he.. ) and we continued on.

- Got to the point and stood on a large rock that said "caution submarine cable".

- The waves were crashing over this rock, we put on our snorkel gear and after some hesitation (some, meaning a lot) jumped into the murky water.

- Couldnt see a thing, and so we paddled along the headland.

- Decided we were tough and decided to swim back the 500 m we just walked. In the surf in murky water.

- Have not mentioned to this point, Ross is a marine biologist and decided to mention, Bull Sharks LOVE murky water after a thunderstorm (it stormed an hour earlier) and usually you hear most people being attacked by Bull Sharks are during these conditions.

- Foggy goggles, do not help the paranoia there is something in the murky water.

- Both act tough and pretend we are not out of breath and ignore flashes of newspaper articles in my mind of two males caught in rip in middle of bay.

- Under the water glimpse to see what stroke Ross is doing, because I was slightly doing doggy paddle and slightly doing breast stroke. He was doing some sort of underwater freestyle thing. Good I wasnt the only one looking crap.

- Gradually get back there, and avoid rocks under the water.

- Get to beach and act casually that it was fun and an adventure.

I had to go for yearly health check up the other day, and part of this involved blood tests. Here in Australia, you are usually sent to a pathology lab to get these done. I fasted for 12 hours which you are supposed to do and went the next morning. The local pathology lab near work was... well.. not what I expected. It was a small brick building next to a car park and ferns and it was slightly raining and very humid. The "waiting room" was outside under an orning and there were 7 people standing uncomfortably around, noone sitting on the chairs that were there. What was wrong with the chairs? I assumed there had to be something wrong so did not sit there. But, what if the person before me and then the person before that just assumed the same thing and there ACTUALLY wasnt anything wrong with the chairs. With this logic, I sat on the chairs. It did not break but I got a death stare from an old lady. Sit down then, lady.

45 mins past and no movement in the queue. This huffing woman near me with two babies, turned to me and said, "I know where the other pathology lab is across the road. Take my baby and follow me and we can go to that one"

"Er, OK" What else was I to say...

We got to a freeway and she casually stepped out with her other child and assumed traffic would slow down, which.. it did. I carried this other baby in a small carry crib thing and we got to the other side. She wasnt even overly friendly, she was just on a mission and I was now involved with it.

We got to the other one, which was an even worse run down shack and sat outside, she got me a chair at least while I worked out how to carefully place the baby on the ground in this carry thing, while the small baby (girl?) stared at me, with the same blank assuming smile the mother had. Not adopted.

This roof dripped and after 15 mins and a few old ladies bitched about the wet grass and the health system, I got in and saw the pathology nurse and 5 mins later was out and heading to work.

Sitting here on a Sunday night and ready for the week ahead. Boss is back from overseas and no doubt it will be a full on week, but unlike a few weeks ago, I am more ready and bring it on I say.

Why do small hatchback cars stay in the fast lane and go 20KM under?

This is the view from the house at Mackerel. Peace and stuff.

Music and their chapters

I am probably not the only one, to see music as a memory system for memories and chapters in life. Oh, I am? Fair enough.

I can click through random on my music player of generic mention and every song, instantly a memory. And sometimes I am sadistic cause I make myself listen to a song that makes me feel sick because of the bad memory.

"Rewind" - Stereophonics.

This song, as soon as the opening guitar starts I instantly smell a cold morning at sunrise, and the wet of the dew sticking to my leather shoes. I am walking from my house up to work at Gloria Jeans Coffee Shop to open the store. My mind is feeling really numb and exhausted, knowing my mum just walked out on us for another woman, it finally was revealed she was having an affair. And my own relationship with my girlfriend was rocky as I went inside myself because of what was happening to my family and accepting my own sexuality after going to ex gay counselling to get "fixed". But the song also reminds me of the hope and reality of just being honest and real, and they were also from Wales, the Stereophonics, and I was saving to get to UK and live in Wales. So you know, tied in and was all making sense to me.

A bird flew into our window today, it was making all this noise throughout the office and I was on skype to my boss and yeah he just flew through and smack. The bird, not my boss.

I am attempted a gluten free diet (oh crap I am talking about what I eat during a day, does that mean my blog is getting self centred.. ) and then bought this cereal and it was nice and yum, but then noticed it had soy in it. I dont like soy. The milk was nice though, and the apple pieces.

A french man just called me on my mobile. Its 8:25pm here, he is a TV producer in France and is making a documentary about our company so wanted to touch base via phone before he heads over. Is it just me, or do others struggle with people speaking English in accents, especially French. There are only a certain amount of times you can say "what?" But also I think only Aussies would say "what?" instead of "Pardon?"

Missed call from Dad. He left a voicemail, wanting to catch up with my week.

Anyone collect coke bottles? This one is yellow!

To be fit or to not bother.

I reckon you should only ever get fit, for your own personal want. Not to impress, as having this as your only goal will always make you feel down because it will never be good enough. To accept that whoever ends up liking you will like you for who you are, is actually a true reality. Looking after yourself in mind and body for yourself is what is best. Wow talk about a self help blog intro.. delete, delete.

Spent the morning down south Sydney at Cronulla, had a breakfast for my sister's 21st with siblings and my Mum. The dynamics are always interesting, with the last 5 years causing a lot of different tensions and resolutions and resettling of how u

s kids interact with our mum. Its like foreign land mixed with familiar soil. I had a bacon and egg roll, and a strawberry smoothie. I swear they taste the same as strawberry milkshakes but throughout the cafe years, it is engrained in us that smoothie means "healthier". Must have been feeling healthy with my bacon and egg roll.

Sunday today, quiet weekend and I decided I would shout myself a movie. This means I would buy a movie ticket for myself (not like every other movie ticket is bought by someone else or magic fairies) but more, I am going alone. I have no issue with this, as who talks through a film anyways. Is it the insecurity feeling of people wondering what I am d

oing there alone? Hm but at least noone judges you for putting Maltesers in popcorn.

My brother Craig has signed himself and me up as a team in an adventure race, held in the Royal National Park in May. This is TOTALLY out of character for me to say yes to. But because it is TOTALLY our of character for me to say yes to, I said yes. So

we have 4 months of training with kayaks, mountain bikes and running, for an adventure race. Thinking about it, its an excuse to keep diligently

exercising (the word diligent is only ever used in school report cards so am dropping it in for flair) and also an excuse to see

my brother at least once a week. Forced bonding time and stuff. So it should be fun! Lets learn how to... kayak! Then compete as kayakers from the seven seas, in 4 months. So let it

begin.

This is me looking ready.

Nameless

So my new nephew was born about 5 mins after I clicked send on the last post, so Australia day. Though do I really want to do two posts on one day. Naturally no. So its going up now.

Drove to the hospital, hadnt been there in years (which is a good thing if you think about it, no random babies to see or no sad reason to be there) and this was the hospital me and my siblings were all born in. Though it had a renovation, well maybe more than that, since they knocked it all down and started again. They actually were selling the bricks from the old hospital JUST in case there were people, like me, who actually wanted a piece of the old hospital to signify I have some building material of the building I was born in. No I never did purchase any, mainly cause I was concerned I would end up with a brick from the psychology ward and not the actual birthing suite area.

So after trying to find the entrance for a while and being trapped at some dead end called "Gumnut playhouse" I turned around, found the entrance and then finally found the birthing suite. Had to press a buzzer and say my sister in law's name. Felt like prison... but then it didnt cause there were no bars and lots of baby photos stuck around the place, from mothers who thought the hospital cared what their baby looked like now. Because, only probably 50-100 babies are born there each week and all...

We waited for a while until she was ready and then we all piled into the room. My brother was there looking a bit shell shocked, in a good way (though I am sure there was no good definition of that from the original war mental health syndrome) but looking really happy at same time. The little fella was all bundled up in his clear tank thing and there was no way he was moving anywhere. They have not come up with a name for him yet, which I think is kinda cool. Cause names are such a thing where, they stick with you for life and coming up with a name before you are born is a bit odd.. a few days of being nameless is kind of a space to allow a name to come to the parents. So still waiting on that..

Was my turn to hold him, and he was pretty light and secure. Though he started slightly crying after a while and there is that bloke panic inside of you going, shit I have to find someone to give this to so the crying isnt connected with me. But noone wanted him and thought it was amusing I was stuck with crying baby. But then I gently rocked him and he stopped, yeah go me

Nice afternoon in the end, good end to Australia day and seeing my family all around a new member.

I need to buy groceries.

And this is a storm cloud coming over the other day. Was pretty beautiful.

Cheese and Vegemite sandwich

I didnt feel Australian enough on this Australia day today, so I grabbed a Cheese and Vegemite sandwich, and also a cold glass of Milo (with naturally more Milo than milk).

Good thing that Australian things such as this, are available when the cupboard is pretty much empty. Basic, and simple.

So on my Australia day I woke up at 11:30am and had no idea what day it was and the cockroach on the ceiling probably did. That was the struggle. But it was a public holiday and I had a day before having to go back to work again and approach the 185 emails my iPhone says I have for work. Arent they meant to be handy and helpful devices, this time it wasnt.

My sister in law is currently in labour and we should find out soon if a baby boy or girl is now alive and well and part of the family. It is still pretty surreal, going to buy a baby card and knowing (well if my sister in law does what my mum did) that she will place the cards in a scrapbook for her baby to read one day. Why is this surreal you ask, let me explain why this is surreal. Because as a human accepting life moves on and we grow up, a point of reference of a new place and time such as the next generation being born, allows us to see we are on the next chapter. So my baby card scrapbook seems old. Elephant or Sandcastle card?

Walked up the street last night to the 7 eleven to buy ice creams for my mates as we had a dinner at our house (Drew cooked awesome lamb). Ross came with me. Was a humid night and just simply walking down the concrete path, running shoes hung over the power lines, cicadas singing and a gentle breeze, there was no mistaking we were in Australia. And I do like this place. There, thats my Australia day reflection. That and the milo comment.

I also have a new mac. Me me me. Thats what blogs are for yeah?

There is a planned trip to one of my favourite spots in Sydney, cant wait. Photo from last year..

Rain, Sunday, no plans = bliss

What is the pivotal reason behind a duvet, dvd, rain outside and no plans and that being amazing? You dont even need anyone else to enjoy it. And its simple.
Just like pushing my niece on a swing, and her giggling like its the best thing ever, saying "more". Simple stuff helps you have a point of reference of realising, what is worth it in this world.

Went out with mates last night, and always fanastic to hang out with them and just forget about any worries. Or talk about them and bounce ideas around. Last night was one of those nights. It was also one of those nights where I experenced about 4 different times people saying hi to me at a bar and me not remembering why I know them so begin playing this game show of.. "How does Lloyd know this person?" No game show music though, well outside of my head. But it was a fun game no less. But felt a bit bad it happened 4 times. BUT then I felt heaps better when I said hi to a guy I knew through work and we had a chat etc. Then he came back later and then said "sorry, before I had no idea why I knew you, but have since worked this out". Which I found awesome, he was playing his version of my game show. Or his game show, it probably has slightly different rules.

Also spent all day yesterday on the beach at Manly. I am not really a fan of Northern beaches of Sydney, as they are hard to access and only one real main road that is always crawling with traffic. Who would want to live there? Manly beach isnt even that good. There was a surf rowing event going on there that my company was sponsoring and we also wanted to use it as a backdrop for a shoot. It was the hottest day of summer so far, measuring 46 degrees on the beach. I didnt get burnt.much.more.than.usual. But it was fun, cause the guys I were with are good guys, and the model Matt is a good bloke and heaps helpful and intelligent. One of the shots was a low flying helicopter coming in from the ocean to the shore, filming Matt standing on the beach. Will be awesome to see the shots. Those kind of days are reasons why my job can be very fun and different. Even though it was a Saturday.

Tried to get a Kangaroo burger from a store at the beach yesterday but the sign read "due to heavy rains in northern territory, roos have been unable to be found or shot, therefore we have no meat today". So I had chicken.

Friday is the new Thursday...

This image was in a park in London. I was alone and waiting for a friend and this sign was... how do you say... really surreal but not surprising?

Still waking up this morning, its meant to be about 35 degrees today but left the air conditioning on all night and I am frozen. If we arent whinging its too hot, its too cold.

My mate Chem, Jane and I were hunting for a piercing parlour on Sunday cause they both wanted to be spontaneous and get a piercing. They were also slightly intoxicated so it could have had something to do with it, so we were walking around the city and discovering that piercing people still respect the sabbath it seems and every single one was closed. Jane hadnt gotten the courage to get one for a while. The last time she did, she walked into the store, and a dwarf walked up to her to ask her how he could help. She froze and backed back out of the store. So since we couldnt find one, we ate mexican food and then danced in a pub, telling each other what they had to dance like. My dances were, a broken photocopier and the global financial crisis. Nailed it.

Work this week was tough, challenging and really pushing me. With the combination of adjusting back here and feeling pretty uncertain about the future and where I want to go, it was just one of those weeks where I will look back and go, yeah I like that week now, but at the time, who is up for a scooby doo marathon??

I find I dont often enough talk about music here. When music really helps people keep walking, thinking, dreaming. Florence + the Machine and her song "Swimming" keeps running through my head and makes me smile.

Cockroaches have eaten half a painting I painted, which is a bit sad because of the meaning behind the painting originally, but a friend of mine pointed out, if you dont hate the cockroaches and actually put little name tags on them, they have become art critics. So... what you saying about my art? Reconstructing the interpretation? That sounded like an art term.

I am never going to need this fireplace in my room and it takes up a perfectly good wall where my piano could go.