Fa la la la la... New new year.

I find when I am feeling quite lost, I struggle to write here. If I got no clue then why express that.. but maybe there is some point to doing so.
I find I am doing anything BUT work out where I am headed. Jump online, browse, look at gay dating websites (cause that is where quality lives), I even bought a PS3 so I can play computer games again. What?

New Years Resolution. Buy a camera, a good camera, and enroll in a community college course on how to use it. Then USE it. Make this a hobby. Give myself more meaning, as I love taking photos. You ever thought, so many people take good photos so why should I follow this as a passion? Yeah kinda dumb, but its how I think. So I am going to do it anyways. And also not see others as a threat but a support in those who love photography, and learn off them.

Christmas has gone and past. New Years Eve is next. Christmas was good this year, laid back brunch with everyone and watching the next generation for the first time open presents. It is actually really fun buying presents for them and then watching them open them! And the slight competition from my siblings to see who bought the best present for the kids. I didnt win this year, the doctor set was the winner hands down. Poppy immediately knew what to do and began giving everyone injections.

My Dad retired this month. Went to his retirement party, and it was really inspiring to see the other side of my Dad, who was a boss and mentor to people and to see where he took a company for 30 years. Proud of him and what I can also achieve if I work to it.

So its now down to me and what on earth I want to do with my career. It is great at my work and so many opportunities.. I get anxious as there is so many different places I could go and part of the problem is that. My creative side is always stunted and shunned, and my side that likes to be in control does not allow anything.

My words suck today. Will try again soon.

Cold Water

So I havent posted for quite a while.. and as you can imagine, mainly cause of the lack of energy to adjust to everything here. You feel totally fine and pumped for the first few days and then you just run out of steam. When you start to feel like your holiday was surreal and so far away already and normality just keeps waving at you.

But had my Dad's 60th birthday a few weekends ago. That was just simply quality to see my Dad happy and content, after so much hurt he went through. He is in a place where he has so much love and fullness. Saw him get teary in his speech at the party and that just made my night, when you see your Dad show his emotions and its quite raw.

Saw random relatives at the party too, cousins and uncles and aunties. The hard thing these days is it has been quite a while since we were close, and so its just awkward when we used to know so much about each other. Sometimes its like talking to a stranger. We kind of look at each other and lots of nodding and silences occur. When I used to run around and catch lizards with my cousin Sarah and talk about how we felt about most parts of our life... now our conversation lasted 2 mins then standing there awkwardly. It makes me sad.. part of is it cause my life is so different to them now, being openly gay and non church related. Which is just a reality. But also understand if they simply just do not understand how to relate to me now.

Also had my nieces and nephew all there. Now I have three... its awesome. And its just amusing to look at myself and how fascinated and adoring I am of them. When I thought I never would be like that with kids. Just watching them learn and develop and find the coolest and simplest things just neat. We also went on a weekend away together, just us kids and their kids. Was great to get away. And think.

Another awesome (sarcasm usage of this word) was that facebook has deleted my account. I have to guess that is because I manage the aB facebook and uploaded a pic that was not appropriate. So I have been without it for 2 weeks now... and I am sad mainly cause of 4 years worth of photos and comments.. but at same time, shows how reliant we are on it, and so have decided if I DO get it back then I wont use it much at all. It is simply way too much of a consumer of my life and thoughts.

Blogs arent.

The DC and the Virginia.

So I am sitting in the LAX airport and my trip has come to an end. Who am I kidding when I say I plan to blog everyday when on holidays? I do that everytime, I believe this is 4th one in three weeks?? Pff I shame myself. ;)

The last leg of my trip was simply brilliant. I got to see one of my best buds Phil who I knew in Sydney and his partner Preston who I felt I have known for ages but never met. I got to witness a really quality relationship and gave me hope for the future. I saw where Phil had moved to and made a home, in Richmond, Virginia. A quaint city with beautiful architecture and rich in history as it was one of the first places USA began. Well THE place. From the site of the first thanksgiving and the first president this and the first president that, and lots of plaques and speeches. Another whole slice of the American life and experience.

I got to drive and spend time with Preston and get to know the fella Phil left his life in Australia for, and it was a highlight of the trip. A quality man, who is switched on and has sort out peace and answers to the christian world that has so easily shut us down sometimes. I respect him and that research he has done. Made me smile and also choke up. So thanks Preston, I know Phil is in good hands.


















Pizza, margaritas and a bed on the floor, along with lots of laughs. Us 3 all then went to DC to explore for the weekend. And Washington DC sure is impressive. Grand and almost royal like, I can understand more of why the USA is what it is. The Mall was beautiful and sure did place pride in national's hearts. OK enough of all this talk, I feel like am being subcontracted to write in another blog.

Went dancing, and I must highlight how much they overpour alcohol here. Before you know it, two drinks later you are finding the drag queen attractive. And Drag Queens are bloody scary!!

There is so much I could type and say but really, those memories are for me and wont be too interesting for anyone else. But I would suggest to visit DC, even for a day. You even get to see C3PO in the American History Museum. Woo.























I get on my plane to Sydney in an hour. and I am so thankful for this trip and the adventure that it was. I feel like it was much longer than it was as it had plenty of chapters and I saw so much. But now I look forward to getting back to Summer and the challenges ahead at work and life in general. I have a gut feeling there is a lot to look forward to, no, I KNOW there is a lot.

And dont get into a fight with a Korean woman about overhead luggage when she has a spikey bracelet.

NYC. The city.

So my flight was cancelled to NYC and ended up staying another day in South Dakota. Kinda odd after you had already mentally prepared for leaving. Saying bye to Tigh twice..

Landed finally and it was simply intense. My hotel was 20 metres from Times Square. And nothing can explain the feeling of being there totally alone in this square full of lights and people everywhere. You feel so so small and overwhelmed. Then you get over it.

I wondered around the city for a few days, and also had a night out with my mate Dan and his friend Kate in some awesome club. Overall NYC was fairly good, I couldnt live there and there is so much to do you would need a lot longer and I would probably go with someone else next time, cause being a loner is good sometimes and not others.

I was walking through a packed crowd on Halloween on 6th Avenue by myself when I didnt see a garden fence, and took myself out and landed in the garden bed and railing. In a big city, at night, in front of crowds of people, heaps of fun to do that. I had bruises for days.

One of my favourite moments on the trip in NYC was discovering St Pauls, the church next to the WTC site. It was so peaceful and full of this amazing energy. It actually upset me a bit, walking around and seeing the memorials and words about 9/11 as this was the church people went to, to grieve, pray, rest. But was peaceful all the same and that memory will stay with me.


























Halloween, as mentioned before, is massive. The subway was full of people dressed up, and everyone was in a cheery spirit. Loved witnessing this!! I dressed up in lame makeup and didnt even know what I was but hey, better than nothing right! Was a fun night and another taste of USA.

Now I am in Richmond, VA and its bloody beautiful. Seeing autumn leaves everywhere, bright colours and clean air. I am stoked at the choices I made in my trip as I have gotten to experience such different places. When I write more, I will write. For now I am off to see more.

South Dakota...2

I began writing this as I just returned from drinks in a bar, in middle of day on Saturday. We went to a street parade this morning, which simply was like a shot out of a movie. Cheerleaders.. marching bands.. fire trucks. Cub Scouts. Political groups cheering.. oh the bliss of seeing it really reflected. One big stereotype! I went to a subway, simply because I felt ill from some kind of drinking and wanted something with at least some guaranteed vegetables. I requested a turkey sub. When it came to the salad section, I requested capsicum.

"Capsicum"
"What?"
"Capsicum", gesturing to the capsicum.
"What?"
"CAPSICUM" pointing to the capsicum.
"Green Peppers?"
"Ah, yeah."


The people are great. So friendly and havent actually come across anyone mean except an air hostess. But she was old.. Though I dont think many people have met an Australian in this area. They just want me to keep talking and ask questions about life for me. Do I have McDonalds and do I shoot Kangaroos (as mentioned previously).


I had a random guy on Saturday put his arm around me in a packed biker bar (yep, biker) and say "Do you feel safe now?" I had nothing to say to that, it was all kind of odd. I managed to shake out of his grip but he grabbed me again and brought me close into this buddies. Awkward. I broke free and we left.


Had a chat with a friend of a friend, slightly tipsy.. walking through Brookings, about the Dont Ask Dont Tell Policy. Little did I realise she was IN the army and also PRO Dont Ask Dont Tell. Wow, what a chat. Then she disappeared, whether she was lost me or if she was uncomfortable with the chat. Probably the first.

Tigh's friend Carla held a dinner party on Sunday night and I had a lot of firsts that night. Pheasant (wrapped in bacon) which Tigh JUST told me as I wrote this that his mom shot last weekend. Awesome. Then I had proper Mac and Cheese, and also and not least, Pumpkin Pie. All were great! Though the others at the table found it kinda amusing.

Some of the time has been spent with Tigh playing Super Mario World 2 and me sitting on his bed slightly watching, sometimes I can play Player 2 but it is more designed for Nerd's gfs who hover the Wii remote over stars to collect them, thats pretty much all player 2 can do while player 1 saves the Princess and stuff. Enough of talk about Nintendo. Though does anyone else hate Princess Peach in Mario Kart??




















I fly to NYC tomorrow morning, so will have to say bye to Tigh then. He plans to move to Sydney in January, and who knows? I just enjoyed the moment and hanging out here, he is a special fella and has been for two years in my life, and plan on having him in my life, to whatever extent in the future.



So NYC tomorrow, staying in tourist central, so lets see how that goes. Yellow Cabs and some kind of tall buildings around the place.

South Dakota... 1.

I landed in Los Angeles, and asked an information desk for some help. I told them I was going to South Dakota, and she then asked me, what state in South Dakota? I looked at her blankly and said, what city? No, what state?

Now I am in Minneapolis on my second layover before final destination for this leg, Brookings, South Dakota. I find it so surreal, seeing this part of the US that just seems so.. out of a movie. You fly over the landscape and EVERYTHING is a see of farms and roads. I am so used to flying over Australia and its just barren. Shows how much more population dispersement they have here. Anyways this is sounding like a grade 10 Geography lesson. Will be great to see Tigh in a few hours, and experience a small University town in the middle of the USA over homecoming weekend.

One of those days where it doesn’t end though. Flew out Thursday 2pm, and its STILL Thursday. The guy in front of me on the long leg from Sydney to LAX, kept dropping his pillow down onto me. Sure it seems fine but after a while, it really can get a tad irrirating. He was in a group of 4 guys and they were all probably 30 something, but I reckon guys don’t really grow up when they are in a group of mates. They didn’t shutup. No wait, I cant whinge, I am on a pretty cool trip.

So begins my attempt to write very often on this trip.

UPDATE after first night in SD.

Then I got into SD. The plane ride there was full of hunters. And not the type that hunt clay pigeons. These guys love bear and pheasant. They asked me if I hunted Kangaroos. I just said we hit them on the road and that hunting is stupid. THEN I discovered they were hunters, not before. Kinda awkward.

Met Tigh at the airport, was awesome to see him again. Before 10 mins had past I had onion rings. And then we went to a pub that had international night on. Tonight was "USA" night. Oh. The. Irony. Had a fun time, though not used to people smoking in the pub. Got banned in Aus 3 years ago now.

Just realised I can get away with wearing running shoes with my jeans today and not get called Jerry Seinfeld. Its... acceptable here. That and socks and sandals for some odd reason. Lets see what my first proper day brings. Photos coming..

That feeling...

4 days before I go on holiday. And that same gut ache I had before I went to London, is here again.

The pressure is placed on at work.. to get things done before I go, and things with romance just dont always go to plan. Not saying that in a whinge way, just unsure what to expect these days. Though as usual, feel like I should not write about it here, which is ironic.

I looked into my sister's eyes today. There was so much sadness. It almost made me well up with tears. Mum was visiting and as usual, everyone pretended there was this happy medium and families played normal. But I could see she was silently screaming. And it broke my heart.

No matter how many distractions there are, there are still the moments when you cant find another and you have to think about the past, the present and the future. There are so many clever sayings about all three of these states and how we can approach it all with a chirp and a smile. We dont chirp as we are not birds, but you get what I mean. But when you look at the reality of things, you can either choose to drown in the overwhelming feeling of what life is, or you can choose to keep going. Hoping it gets better and that all the spirals around you that make you sometimes spin a little, will get slower and push you forward to something with happiness.

This time next week I am gonna be hanging out with Tigh in Brookings, South Dakota. The week following I will be on a ferry looking at the Statue of Liberty and the week after that, looking at the white stone face of Abraham Lincoln in Washington DC. Then I hit the pavement again. We gotta keep going, anything else is an easy option.

Accidental call

So I went to call a mate the other day (it seems appropiate to start the sentence with "so", my apologies if this sounds offensive) but when my mate answered, he had a British accent. I was kinda confused but thought he was just being stupid so went along with it. But after a while I thought it sounded oddly like another friend of mine Matt. While he continued to talk, I glanced at my phone. I had called Matt instead. I must have sounded less confused and dazed then and continued to talk. He asked me why I called and I casually said, "Just to see how you were!" He thought that was sweet, and by the time I had hung up the phone, we had coffee plans for a few nights later to catchup. I dont drink coffee but you know, its what you call a casual catchup with a friend. If I said "Chai Latte" plans, it would make me sound like a wanker plus one. But then I just said it. Plus one.



This is a cat, I called him/her Lois. He/she stands outside our front door a lot and is always up for a bit of belly rubbing love.


It is getting quite intense at work of late. Coming up to Christmas peak time.. and the cogs are very much working overtime to get everything ready. It really is the most fun and most flatout experience, but also quite taxing on the body and mind. My gym and healthy eating really has balanced this out though. But is 7 times a week too much? I dont do weights everyday, 3 of them are cardio days, but I really find it relaxing now. Addictive... I have turned.

I fly to USA next week. I have my holiday planned and book flights in the next few days. Surreal to do last minute plans and holidays as it never sinks in, then you are on a plane, alone, and hurtling your way to the other side of the world for an adventure. Anything can happen! I could trip over a park bench in a street in Richmond, Virginia, or see a check out chick in Washington DC not scan BOTH the chocolate bars I was buying to sample the ones I had never tried. Freebie. It should be a good time and I will get to see some good friends, especially Phil, who I havent seen since mid 2008. Awesome :) And also Tigh, will be excellent.

This is my favourite song right now. Something about the feeling like you can jump down the street, waving casually.

Warming

It sure is warming up now. And the sky is bluer and the trees are greener and the cat next door sleeps on the couch out the front of their house, instead of in a car exhaust pipe. (made that last bit up) Thats me on stairs looking up, by the way.

Its funny sometimes, the more I realise people actually read this, especially people I know, the more I am unsure what I can and cannot write here. Do I screen stuff, and even if it is a funny story or, one of amusement on a historical or sci fi level.. I have to not tell it, in case the person it is about reads it? And then I go, nah screw it, shouldn't people know whats really going on? Or is it not appropriate to find out on a blog post? Not like I am offering up news that I killed a donkey last Friday or sold on illegal forms of sushi mats.

So yesterday was one of those days where a gay dance party came along and I went, because we were sponsoring it. I wasnt really wanting to go, as I know I just start getting irrirated with the crowd and it all starts feeling the same. But a mate reminded me, see it as a time to see friends and just have a fun time, asif you were the only ones there. It was a good time in the end. Lots of fun dancing and just laughs. I saw a dwarf zip into a lady gaga PVC costume and a fella I fancy. That was the highlight. Along with dancing with a new good mate Matt, who is an actor moved from Britain with his partner. Such a laugh.

Have you ever had an internet friend who you have had on your list for years? And speak often and always catch up but have never met? And has that internet friend lived in the same city as you? I have one, and its been such a saga. I respect and care about him a lot, but due to circumstances, I have never met him and I dont want to push it, as I understand his situation. And no he isnt a closeted married businessman. But we have had many years of deep conversation and being quite blunt and honest with each other about each other's lives. He has gone through a lot and it is really amazing to see where he is going now. I have seen him in the low of low (not literally seen him, as mentioned) but also in some good times, and he has seen me in the same. And I truly do hope to meet him one day soon, even if simply to give him a big hug and say how proud I am.

Well this blog turned a bit intense and emotional. So how about we look out the window at that fat dog in the lesbian neighbours yard. He tries to bark but the suspended dog mat he sleeps on, bounces too much and it freaks him out, so he stops. Barking that is.

PS. I got a kindle. Just like I need to keep writing, my reading needs to improve, otherwise I talk about fat dogs and cats.