Fa la la la la... New new year.

I find when I am feeling quite lost, I struggle to write here. If I got no clue then why express that.. but maybe there is some point to doing so.
I find I am doing anything BUT work out where I am headed. Jump online, browse, look at gay dating websites (cause that is where quality lives), I even bought a PS3 so I can play computer games again. What?

New Years Resolution. Buy a camera, a good camera, and enroll in a community college course on how to use it. Then USE it. Make this a hobby. Give myself more meaning, as I love taking photos. You ever thought, so many people take good photos so why should I follow this as a passion? Yeah kinda dumb, but its how I think. So I am going to do it anyways. And also not see others as a threat but a support in those who love photography, and learn off them.

Christmas has gone and past. New Years Eve is next. Christmas was good this year, laid back brunch with everyone and watching the next generation for the first time open presents. It is actually really fun buying presents for them and then watching them open them! And the slight competition from my siblings to see who bought the best present for the kids. I didnt win this year, the doctor set was the winner hands down. Poppy immediately knew what to do and began giving everyone injections.

My Dad retired this month. Went to his retirement party, and it was really inspiring to see the other side of my Dad, who was a boss and mentor to people and to see where he took a company for 30 years. Proud of him and what I can also achieve if I work to it.

So its now down to me and what on earth I want to do with my career. It is great at my work and so many opportunities.. I get anxious as there is so many different places I could go and part of the problem is that. My creative side is always stunted and shunned, and my side that likes to be in control does not allow anything.

My words suck today. Will try again soon.

Cold Water

So I havent posted for quite a while.. and as you can imagine, mainly cause of the lack of energy to adjust to everything here. You feel totally fine and pumped for the first few days and then you just run out of steam. When you start to feel like your holiday was surreal and so far away already and normality just keeps waving at you.

But had my Dad's 60th birthday a few weekends ago. That was just simply quality to see my Dad happy and content, after so much hurt he went through. He is in a place where he has so much love and fullness. Saw him get teary in his speech at the party and that just made my night, when you see your Dad show his emotions and its quite raw.

Saw random relatives at the party too, cousins and uncles and aunties. The hard thing these days is it has been quite a while since we were close, and so its just awkward when we used to know so much about each other. Sometimes its like talking to a stranger. We kind of look at each other and lots of nodding and silences occur. When I used to run around and catch lizards with my cousin Sarah and talk about how we felt about most parts of our life... now our conversation lasted 2 mins then standing there awkwardly. It makes me sad.. part of is it cause my life is so different to them now, being openly gay and non church related. Which is just a reality. But also understand if they simply just do not understand how to relate to me now.

Also had my nieces and nephew all there. Now I have three... its awesome. And its just amusing to look at myself and how fascinated and adoring I am of them. When I thought I never would be like that with kids. Just watching them learn and develop and find the coolest and simplest things just neat. We also went on a weekend away together, just us kids and their kids. Was great to get away. And think.

Another awesome (sarcasm usage of this word) was that facebook has deleted my account. I have to guess that is because I manage the aB facebook and uploaded a pic that was not appropriate. So I have been without it for 2 weeks now... and I am sad mainly cause of 4 years worth of photos and comments.. but at same time, shows how reliant we are on it, and so have decided if I DO get it back then I wont use it much at all. It is simply way too much of a consumer of my life and thoughts.

Blogs arent.

The DC and the Virginia.

So I am sitting in the LAX airport and my trip has come to an end. Who am I kidding when I say I plan to blog everyday when on holidays? I do that everytime, I believe this is 4th one in three weeks?? Pff I shame myself. ;)

The last leg of my trip was simply brilliant. I got to see one of my best buds Phil who I knew in Sydney and his partner Preston who I felt I have known for ages but never met. I got to witness a really quality relationship and gave me hope for the future. I saw where Phil had moved to and made a home, in Richmond, Virginia. A quaint city with beautiful architecture and rich in history as it was one of the first places USA began. Well THE place. From the site of the first thanksgiving and the first president this and the first president that, and lots of plaques and speeches. Another whole slice of the American life and experience.

I got to drive and spend time with Preston and get to know the fella Phil left his life in Australia for, and it was a highlight of the trip. A quality man, who is switched on and has sort out peace and answers to the christian world that has so easily shut us down sometimes. I respect him and that research he has done. Made me smile and also choke up. So thanks Preston, I know Phil is in good hands.


















Pizza, margaritas and a bed on the floor, along with lots of laughs. Us 3 all then went to DC to explore for the weekend. And Washington DC sure is impressive. Grand and almost royal like, I can understand more of why the USA is what it is. The Mall was beautiful and sure did place pride in national's hearts. OK enough of all this talk, I feel like am being subcontracted to write in another blog.

Went dancing, and I must highlight how much they overpour alcohol here. Before you know it, two drinks later you are finding the drag queen attractive. And Drag Queens are bloody scary!!

There is so much I could type and say but really, those memories are for me and wont be too interesting for anyone else. But I would suggest to visit DC, even for a day. You even get to see C3PO in the American History Museum. Woo.























I get on my plane to Sydney in an hour. and I am so thankful for this trip and the adventure that it was. I feel like it was much longer than it was as it had plenty of chapters and I saw so much. But now I look forward to getting back to Summer and the challenges ahead at work and life in general. I have a gut feeling there is a lot to look forward to, no, I KNOW there is a lot.

And dont get into a fight with a Korean woman about overhead luggage when she has a spikey bracelet.

NYC. The city.

So my flight was cancelled to NYC and ended up staying another day in South Dakota. Kinda odd after you had already mentally prepared for leaving. Saying bye to Tigh twice..

Landed finally and it was simply intense. My hotel was 20 metres from Times Square. And nothing can explain the feeling of being there totally alone in this square full of lights and people everywhere. You feel so so small and overwhelmed. Then you get over it.

I wondered around the city for a few days, and also had a night out with my mate Dan and his friend Kate in some awesome club. Overall NYC was fairly good, I couldnt live there and there is so much to do you would need a lot longer and I would probably go with someone else next time, cause being a loner is good sometimes and not others.

I was walking through a packed crowd on Halloween on 6th Avenue by myself when I didnt see a garden fence, and took myself out and landed in the garden bed and railing. In a big city, at night, in front of crowds of people, heaps of fun to do that. I had bruises for days.

One of my favourite moments on the trip in NYC was discovering St Pauls, the church next to the WTC site. It was so peaceful and full of this amazing energy. It actually upset me a bit, walking around and seeing the memorials and words about 9/11 as this was the church people went to, to grieve, pray, rest. But was peaceful all the same and that memory will stay with me.


























Halloween, as mentioned before, is massive. The subway was full of people dressed up, and everyone was in a cheery spirit. Loved witnessing this!! I dressed up in lame makeup and didnt even know what I was but hey, better than nothing right! Was a fun night and another taste of USA.

Now I am in Richmond, VA and its bloody beautiful. Seeing autumn leaves everywhere, bright colours and clean air. I am stoked at the choices I made in my trip as I have gotten to experience such different places. When I write more, I will write. For now I am off to see more.

South Dakota...2

I began writing this as I just returned from drinks in a bar, in middle of day on Saturday. We went to a street parade this morning, which simply was like a shot out of a movie. Cheerleaders.. marching bands.. fire trucks. Cub Scouts. Political groups cheering.. oh the bliss of seeing it really reflected. One big stereotype! I went to a subway, simply because I felt ill from some kind of drinking and wanted something with at least some guaranteed vegetables. I requested a turkey sub. When it came to the salad section, I requested capsicum.

"Capsicum"
"What?"
"Capsicum", gesturing to the capsicum.
"What?"
"CAPSICUM" pointing to the capsicum.
"Green Peppers?"
"Ah, yeah."


The people are great. So friendly and havent actually come across anyone mean except an air hostess. But she was old.. Though I dont think many people have met an Australian in this area. They just want me to keep talking and ask questions about life for me. Do I have McDonalds and do I shoot Kangaroos (as mentioned previously).


I had a random guy on Saturday put his arm around me in a packed biker bar (yep, biker) and say "Do you feel safe now?" I had nothing to say to that, it was all kind of odd. I managed to shake out of his grip but he grabbed me again and brought me close into this buddies. Awkward. I broke free and we left.


Had a chat with a friend of a friend, slightly tipsy.. walking through Brookings, about the Dont Ask Dont Tell Policy. Little did I realise she was IN the army and also PRO Dont Ask Dont Tell. Wow, what a chat. Then she disappeared, whether she was lost me or if she was uncomfortable with the chat. Probably the first.

Tigh's friend Carla held a dinner party on Sunday night and I had a lot of firsts that night. Pheasant (wrapped in bacon) which Tigh JUST told me as I wrote this that his mom shot last weekend. Awesome. Then I had proper Mac and Cheese, and also and not least, Pumpkin Pie. All were great! Though the others at the table found it kinda amusing.

Some of the time has been spent with Tigh playing Super Mario World 2 and me sitting on his bed slightly watching, sometimes I can play Player 2 but it is more designed for Nerd's gfs who hover the Wii remote over stars to collect them, thats pretty much all player 2 can do while player 1 saves the Princess and stuff. Enough of talk about Nintendo. Though does anyone else hate Princess Peach in Mario Kart??




















I fly to NYC tomorrow morning, so will have to say bye to Tigh then. He plans to move to Sydney in January, and who knows? I just enjoyed the moment and hanging out here, he is a special fella and has been for two years in my life, and plan on having him in my life, to whatever extent in the future.



So NYC tomorrow, staying in tourist central, so lets see how that goes. Yellow Cabs and some kind of tall buildings around the place.

South Dakota... 1.

I landed in Los Angeles, and asked an information desk for some help. I told them I was going to South Dakota, and she then asked me, what state in South Dakota? I looked at her blankly and said, what city? No, what state?

Now I am in Minneapolis on my second layover before final destination for this leg, Brookings, South Dakota. I find it so surreal, seeing this part of the US that just seems so.. out of a movie. You fly over the landscape and EVERYTHING is a see of farms and roads. I am so used to flying over Australia and its just barren. Shows how much more population dispersement they have here. Anyways this is sounding like a grade 10 Geography lesson. Will be great to see Tigh in a few hours, and experience a small University town in the middle of the USA over homecoming weekend.

One of those days where it doesn’t end though. Flew out Thursday 2pm, and its STILL Thursday. The guy in front of me on the long leg from Sydney to LAX, kept dropping his pillow down onto me. Sure it seems fine but after a while, it really can get a tad irrirating. He was in a group of 4 guys and they were all probably 30 something, but I reckon guys don’t really grow up when they are in a group of mates. They didn’t shutup. No wait, I cant whinge, I am on a pretty cool trip.

So begins my attempt to write very often on this trip.

UPDATE after first night in SD.

Then I got into SD. The plane ride there was full of hunters. And not the type that hunt clay pigeons. These guys love bear and pheasant. They asked me if I hunted Kangaroos. I just said we hit them on the road and that hunting is stupid. THEN I discovered they were hunters, not before. Kinda awkward.

Met Tigh at the airport, was awesome to see him again. Before 10 mins had past I had onion rings. And then we went to a pub that had international night on. Tonight was "USA" night. Oh. The. Irony. Had a fun time, though not used to people smoking in the pub. Got banned in Aus 3 years ago now.

Just realised I can get away with wearing running shoes with my jeans today and not get called Jerry Seinfeld. Its... acceptable here. That and socks and sandals for some odd reason. Lets see what my first proper day brings. Photos coming..

That feeling...

4 days before I go on holiday. And that same gut ache I had before I went to London, is here again.

The pressure is placed on at work.. to get things done before I go, and things with romance just dont always go to plan. Not saying that in a whinge way, just unsure what to expect these days. Though as usual, feel like I should not write about it here, which is ironic.

I looked into my sister's eyes today. There was so much sadness. It almost made me well up with tears. Mum was visiting and as usual, everyone pretended there was this happy medium and families played normal. But I could see she was silently screaming. And it broke my heart.

No matter how many distractions there are, there are still the moments when you cant find another and you have to think about the past, the present and the future. There are so many clever sayings about all three of these states and how we can approach it all with a chirp and a smile. We dont chirp as we are not birds, but you get what I mean. But when you look at the reality of things, you can either choose to drown in the overwhelming feeling of what life is, or you can choose to keep going. Hoping it gets better and that all the spirals around you that make you sometimes spin a little, will get slower and push you forward to something with happiness.

This time next week I am gonna be hanging out with Tigh in Brookings, South Dakota. The week following I will be on a ferry looking at the Statue of Liberty and the week after that, looking at the white stone face of Abraham Lincoln in Washington DC. Then I hit the pavement again. We gotta keep going, anything else is an easy option.

Accidental call

So I went to call a mate the other day (it seems appropiate to start the sentence with "so", my apologies if this sounds offensive) but when my mate answered, he had a British accent. I was kinda confused but thought he was just being stupid so went along with it. But after a while I thought it sounded oddly like another friend of mine Matt. While he continued to talk, I glanced at my phone. I had called Matt instead. I must have sounded less confused and dazed then and continued to talk. He asked me why I called and I casually said, "Just to see how you were!" He thought that was sweet, and by the time I had hung up the phone, we had coffee plans for a few nights later to catchup. I dont drink coffee but you know, its what you call a casual catchup with a friend. If I said "Chai Latte" plans, it would make me sound like a wanker plus one. But then I just said it. Plus one.



This is a cat, I called him/her Lois. He/she stands outside our front door a lot and is always up for a bit of belly rubbing love.


It is getting quite intense at work of late. Coming up to Christmas peak time.. and the cogs are very much working overtime to get everything ready. It really is the most fun and most flatout experience, but also quite taxing on the body and mind. My gym and healthy eating really has balanced this out though. But is 7 times a week too much? I dont do weights everyday, 3 of them are cardio days, but I really find it relaxing now. Addictive... I have turned.

I fly to USA next week. I have my holiday planned and book flights in the next few days. Surreal to do last minute plans and holidays as it never sinks in, then you are on a plane, alone, and hurtling your way to the other side of the world for an adventure. Anything can happen! I could trip over a park bench in a street in Richmond, Virginia, or see a check out chick in Washington DC not scan BOTH the chocolate bars I was buying to sample the ones I had never tried. Freebie. It should be a good time and I will get to see some good friends, especially Phil, who I havent seen since mid 2008. Awesome :) And also Tigh, will be excellent.

This is my favourite song right now. Something about the feeling like you can jump down the street, waving casually.

Warming

It sure is warming up now. And the sky is bluer and the trees are greener and the cat next door sleeps on the couch out the front of their house, instead of in a car exhaust pipe. (made that last bit up) Thats me on stairs looking up, by the way.

Its funny sometimes, the more I realise people actually read this, especially people I know, the more I am unsure what I can and cannot write here. Do I screen stuff, and even if it is a funny story or, one of amusement on a historical or sci fi level.. I have to not tell it, in case the person it is about reads it? And then I go, nah screw it, shouldn't people know whats really going on? Or is it not appropriate to find out on a blog post? Not like I am offering up news that I killed a donkey last Friday or sold on illegal forms of sushi mats.

So yesterday was one of those days where a gay dance party came along and I went, because we were sponsoring it. I wasnt really wanting to go, as I know I just start getting irrirated with the crowd and it all starts feeling the same. But a mate reminded me, see it as a time to see friends and just have a fun time, asif you were the only ones there. It was a good time in the end. Lots of fun dancing and just laughs. I saw a dwarf zip into a lady gaga PVC costume and a fella I fancy. That was the highlight. Along with dancing with a new good mate Matt, who is an actor moved from Britain with his partner. Such a laugh.

Have you ever had an internet friend who you have had on your list for years? And speak often and always catch up but have never met? And has that internet friend lived in the same city as you? I have one, and its been such a saga. I respect and care about him a lot, but due to circumstances, I have never met him and I dont want to push it, as I understand his situation. And no he isnt a closeted married businessman. But we have had many years of deep conversation and being quite blunt and honest with each other about each other's lives. He has gone through a lot and it is really amazing to see where he is going now. I have seen him in the low of low (not literally seen him, as mentioned) but also in some good times, and he has seen me in the same. And I truly do hope to meet him one day soon, even if simply to give him a big hug and say how proud I am.

Well this blog turned a bit intense and emotional. So how about we look out the window at that fat dog in the lesbian neighbours yard. He tries to bark but the suspended dog mat he sleeps on, bounces too much and it freaks him out, so he stops. Barking that is.

PS. I got a kindle. Just like I need to keep writing, my reading needs to improve, otherwise I talk about fat dogs and cats.

Really?

Just got home from walking from main road to my house. Birds were chirping as the sun began to rise, on an early spring Sunday morning. I walk past this house on way home that looks like a country shack, one that should be in the middle of nowhere. But really it is in the middle of a Sydney inner west suburb, but somehow they make it look like the outback. Fire on the front verandah.. rocking chair.. footy flag stapled to the wooden slats of the house and an abandoned cup of tea on an old chipped table.

I got home from a fun night.. but really if I am honest, a pretty crap night. One of those nights that had potential, but doesnt every night have that potential?

Started with watching Catherine Tate at home with Chem, then drinking and getting a train and secretly carrying coke bottles full of apple juice and vodka.. getting to gay strip and having more beers. Chem bumped into a friend of his and supposedly I look very non subtle if I am in the mood to NOT do small talk. Then we hung out with more mates til I got into the usual spiral mood at a gay bar where I detest the culture around me and people just in a sea of.. sex, and feel like I dont belong. We all left and went to get a cab.

Last minute I didnt get in the cab but went to the bar on the corner. Sat there at 3am and read the paper. A guy came and sat at my table and said hi. His name was James. I thought he said Jane so we had some awkward joke about Jane.. we got talking and he introduced me to his friends. He was really quite cute and seemed switched on and intelligent. He was a bit touchy and so I got the vibe he liked me. So I hung with him and his mates for a few hours.. sobering up as I hate hangovers on a Sunday or any day for that matter.

Spent time talking to his mate as well etc. Lovely group of guys, and noticed James had expressed interested and I was all quite surpirsed by it all. Eventually he whispered "You are really cute" and I smiled and said he was too. I went to kiss him on cheek, and he said "I cant kiss you".

"Why not?"

"I got a throat infection"

"Oh ok, that sucks"

"Yeah got it on Friday.. and it has gotten worse".

At this stage, he seemed like the kind of guy I wouldnt care if I got a sore throat from, he was pretty darn sweet. Maybe that is low of me, or desperate but I said "What if I didnt care?"

"You dont care??"

"Nope" Hoping this meant I could kiss the mysterious man.

James gestured over to the mate I was talking to before and said "My BF wont mind either"

"Sorry?" Getting slightly tense.. surely he didnt say that.

"My BF wont mind either"

So at that intant I felt like a loser. Once again I was persuing a guy that was not available. I looked him in the eye and said "I am off mate." And I walked out of the cab.

I told the cab where to drive to and stared out the window as the sky turned from black to deep blue.. and before I knew it I was near my home. I chose to get out ealier so I could just walk and reflect. Which is what I have now done. Lloyd, deep breaths, its just a phase in life, will read this one day and go.. ah that day. Just like you will for times in your life.

What would you do..

So Melbourne was a great time. It felt like I was back in Sydney before I realised I was in Melbourne though. Pretty short trip! Though got a chance to catch up with my Uncle Phil, who is only 12 years older than me, so he is more like a big brother/cousin. He is going through a bit of a rough time, so we just had a few or a lot of beers and chatted. Above picture, spot me and my uncle on screen :)

Also saw Neal, and caught up with him. Was his birthday and so went to dinner and then spontaneously saw Mary Poppins, the musical. That was pretty alright. Oh, also bought some jeans.

This week has been quite flatout, as my boss was on The Secret Millionaire on Monday night, so there was a lot of emails and feedback for the rest of the week. People asking for help but mostly just people thanking him for such a heart felt episode.

I got a text on Tuesday from Neal asking me if I would meet up on Friday with him and his new partner and have drinks with them as they would be in town. For me, hanging with Neal (who is my ex if you are not aware), is fine. Though I am sure people would agree that hanging with your ex and his new partner.. is slightly odd. What would Lloyd do here?

Well I ended up going. Somehow it wasnt too bad at all. Seeing Neal with his new fella, actually was like the last piece of closure. To see him happy and caring about this guy, and they were both kinda goofy and sweet together. So yeah was actually good for me. Crazy huh!

I am concluding there is always a catch with people. There is never a simple concept out there. I have a few perfect examples recently. Of the hot/cold variety and the "I am not over my ex" variety. At the end of the day, they are to blame but not, for their confusion. When you get to know a guy, you start seeing the cracks.. and the peices that just dont make sense. One fella Andy, was over the top mushy and then the next moment, distant and fidgety. Then got annoyed when we were acting like a couple and didnt want a relationship. Relationships dont just happen overnight and it was never what I was suggesting. (Just ignore this paragraph, its just a vent). Next fella, was honest and said from pretty much day one that he wasnt over his ex. I shrugged this off simply cause I was getting to know him. Nah, if someone says that, leave then and there. Otherwise you are in for another confusing rollercoaster. Distance, past hurt, religious hangups... the list goes on. What hangup to I have? I have to have more than one at least, cause hey, saying all others have them and I dont.. is a tad hypocritical.

Maybe mine is blaming the past as an issue, when I really just hide it amongst a real reason of not wanting to commit. But.. we all do that sometimes. I would commit if it was the right person.

The cat next door meets me at the top of the street and walks down the road a bit with me, then rolls on his/her back (havent decided if its name is Pam or Robert yet) and requests I pat its belly. So I do, then keep walking, it runs down a bit futher, sets itself up again waiting for me to catch up and belly rub time again. Somehow it has convinced me cats arent too bad.

Spring is here. And Jasmine flowers on a fence, walking through an alleyway near home really sums it up, with bright blue sky in the background.

Fittings

So a new procedure at work, which is extremely useful for everyone, is to have multiple fittings and having a body model stand in the current stage of a garment (a pair of undies for example) and the pattern maker and the designer look at it and see where it is good and bad, and also ask the body model how they feel etc. I volunteered to be the body model when they need me, cause I think this is crucial. The old system was someone trying on the garment then relaying to the pattern maker what needs to change.

So the other day, was doing a fitting for them. It is a pretty crucial product as it will be a core product that a lot of people will buy. So we need to get it right. Though when the next time came around for a fitting, I wasnt asked, but said they were going to get a few of the other guys to try it on. And without directly saying it, which they sort of did.. was that they need someone to fill out the front a bit more. Ouch? Now, I have never had an issue with size until that moment. I dont anymore once again, but for that hour of my life I thought... wow, it mattered.

But then the next day I was back fitting again. Makes total sense..

Week three of my fitness program. 9 more to go... and I am not losing motivation. When does this begin to happen.. week 4? Lets see how I go hey.

Off to Melbourne this weekend. Decided it was time for another getaway. Time to just stroll around and take photos of stuff and have some chill out time. Sean will be back next week and it will be ALL SYSTEMS GO!! So may need a tad bit of a breather before that happens. Will be good to see some of my friends down there, though even though it is the first day of Spring today (slight woohoo, just slight) I hear Melbourne wont be reflecting this woohoo with me, but its meant to be pouring and cold. Though Melbourne doesnt need to be sunny to appreciate I think. It is more about what is happening that the sun, though it is the other way around in Sydney.


Off to an AFL match on Sunday. Sydney!!!

Ben the Dog

My mum told me the other week that since she was moving in with her new partner, she couldnt keep her dog anymore. This was the puppy golden retriever that she bought three months ago. She argued that it breaks her heart to have to get rid of him, but there was no yard in her partner's place and she had to move in with her cause life is too short. I see her point but.. it just simply isnt justified to do, when a puppy is just not for that reason, a three month window. So Ben is off to a farm down the south coast to live with three other golden retrievers. If I had my own yard, I would have taken him. Was nice meeting you Ben.

So why do people have such cool or qwerky facebook profile pictures.. like kissing a washing machine poweder box man or reflection of a reflection of yourself? Hm I have had the same one for like 6 months.

Nah I am going back to the Mum thing. I think I worked out why I find it so upsetting. Ben is like a representation of us kids in the past. Though I expressed this to her and she didnt get it and so that was the end of that chat.

Went out to Polly's last night. It is an old school disco thing and had some of my closest friends there. So much fun, to just be with friends and have a dance and not care at all.

I was walking in the gym the other day and just done a leg workout. The workout plan told me to go on the step machine next, and it was upstairs to the mezzanine level that looked out over the rest of the gym. I went up the first few stairs and my legs casually gave out on me, and i fell onto the metal stairs with a bang. So naturally I did the casual get up and pretended it never happened. iPod in and just casually walked to the stair climber. I was a little hesitant, because this is the machine I had only ever seen housewives use, and I didnt have the tights they wear. The other hesitation was that simple fact that I struggled going up real stairs, let along a fake, never-ending staircase as such. I got on, started going and then just felt ridiculous, that on top of the fact my knees buckled again and hit my chin on the controls. Casually I got off and walked down the stairs and out of the gym.

Glasses

I wear my glasses so inconsistently that whenever I do, I get people all day commenting on how I look in glasses. Its like it is the first time everytime. And every time, the same chick at works says I look stupid and the same guy says I look like a famous person I have never heard of, each time I still have never heard of them. Though I think I am finding I see better with them and then take em off and dont realise.

Now arent you glad you read that above paragraph. Made your day hey.

This week is gonna be different.. on loop.

Ever had the Sunday where you go, right, clean my room. A new start. If I have a fresh and clean room and house and go to bed early, this week is gonna be different. The last day I am gonna eat crap food, and gonna set my alarm for 5:45 so I can get up for a run and be all ready for the week. This week will be where I will work out more what I want to do with my life, exercise, overall improve myself. Floss. Take the rubbish out for even my flatmates, they will think I rock. Finish the night with a feel good show, that I personally relate to and so I feel like I have more identity and then get to bed.

Sort of that kind of Sunday. Hello Sunday, I believe we have done this before.

Spent the afternoon down in the Shire, overlooking the ocean at a mate's house, where we all had a nice roast lunch. Felt like such a proper Sunday. The smell reminded me of those Sunday arvos (afternoons) when Mum was cooking a roast and I was planning on going back up to see Jenna and Lauren and plan some kind of puppet show or other play or performance. Its funny how kids are like that. We want to be so creative.. then so many of us shut it down.

Wow I reckon if people analysed my blogs sometimes, its like I am hung up in the past a lot. I go back to childhood a lot, or what WAS. We all do that I suppose. I will keep telling myself that. Or is this just a space to be able to let out what I think often anyways. Yep.

Robyn

So, unsure if I have ever really talked about the artist known as Robyn before, but I shall now.

I cant sum up why I like her so much. She is a bit rough I guess, not pure pop and she is also not massive in Australia, so the anti popular thing in me makes her more attractive. Though worried that if she gets more popular, whether her talent will overcome the desire to not like her anymore. She has some beautiful songs and some trashy fun songs. She is raw and sings with that sense of "I dont care". I can lay on my bed and listen to the ferocity in her voice and also dance up a storm by myself in my undies to her.

Though its also the memories behind it. When it comes to music, its what you think about when you hear the music no? I think of simple life a few years ago from Robyn's old album. With Neal and pumping it up in the car driving across freeways on a road trip. Trying to catch an egg in a frying pan and it going everywhere cooking, while she played in the background in the lounge room. Paused smiles and dance chords in London.

Robyn - Hang With Me official video from Robyn on Vimeo.

Knock back is a knock forward.. yeah?

You know, after a few bad dating experiences of late, have realised that a a knock back can really be a step forward. A friend only told me today that when he was seeing a guy who was not that fussed about dating my friend, realised that why convince someone that you are date worthy? Shouldnt it just come naturally? Sure it is different in other circumstances but usually, it should be someone who desires you. So it can actually be a positive lesson. But then it all becomes a bit preachy maybe and so should just stop there. Scooby Doo wouldnt go on about it, simply say his catch phrase and life rocks. And maybe just catch a fake ghost every weekend, were there ever any REAL ghosts on that show? Ripped off...

Why do we get given photo frames for presents? We only have so much shelf space. And the ones we do have in frames are so old and any new photos stay on our hard drive or tagged on facebook.

Monday meant the photoshoot for the new model. Also meant we were standing on a beach in the north of Sydney city and my boss thought the model needed more tan. So left it up to me to deal with. Thoughts ran through my head of how do I apply fake tan to a new model, with no applicator, and no towels or gloves and also no spare garments to avoid fake tan getting on actual gaments we were shooting. SO I asked him to pull his swimwear slightly tighter and I had to simply apply fake tan to my hands and rub it in. Awkward. Mainly cause I had two video camera filming me (thanks guys) and Sean sitting in his car, grinning at how amusing this was. The poor fella, thankfully found the whole thing amusing, as its not everyday some random guy rubs you up in fake tan. So in the end, not too bad the experience. We also had chicken rolls.

Still kinda hoping Tigh contacts me. It just feels odd to have it all so.. left like this. Just concerned for him..

I always wondered as a kid why you were told not to touch the sides of a tent in the morning. Was the dew going to burn through and make holes...? I just didnt want a goanna getting in, so was totally cool with not touching the sides. A goanna is a large lizard in Australia and one really freaked me out once cause it was walking towards me really slowly when I was about 9. I threw a stick at it to just amuse myself, and this did not deter it but simply made it bolt towards me. I turned and ran, straight into a tree branch, while it kept running towards me, straight past me and into my tent. The purpose of this, was... what Lizard? What? I ask this to this day.

Pretty sure this is the goanna that chased me. Google images found it, still alive I see.

A Friday

Yesterday we finally had a casting where we knew straight away that he would be right for aussieBum. So when that happens sometimes it means we go into action right away, and yesterday was one of those days.

The guy I had spotted out one time and he finally had sent through photos and that same day brought him in for a casting. He has never modeled and quite amused that we wanted him. My boss said right let's do a shoot today, get him a bit more of a tan around the legs and a slight hair trim. I was about to find out this would be a bit more complicated then assumed.

Model and I drove to Balmain to find some natural fake tan in a bottle. I was only given the instructions of 'it's in a shopping arcade in Balmain'.

Right now I am so annoyed as I spent an entire half an hour writing out the adventure that occurred.. and then stupid blog didnt save and I lost it all. So really, noone gets to read it now. Was good and amusing though.

Here is a photo. The adventure description would have made this photo more relevant.

Guitar in traffic

I was rushing off to pickup some dry cleaning for my boss when I was sitting in lights, impatient as usual... when I focussed on a truck that was sitting in traffic coming from the other way. I looked at him and thought, ha he looks like he has an electric guitar strapped to him and he is singing his lungs out. Then thought, oh well, he probably isnt but can just say I saw that today as it would be a great "cool" facebook positing. You know, one that people will comment on and I will rock. Actually, it concerns me I think like that sometimes even though I say that in a mocking way. OK so back to him.. I looked closer (not like we can zoom) and he actually was playing a guitar in his truck, waiting for the lights to go green. Singing out in his cabin. Then the lights went green and away we went.

Its funny how in a day I can go from going through normal everyday emails and tasks to suddenly hearing we have a photoshoot from next week, less than a week away probably and we have to find three models and we will be driving across part of Australia. It doesnt phase me, it excites me.

Personality

So my niece's bday party was quaint and cool. Simply cause it was the first proper birthday party of the next generation for our family. And its so cool to see how birthdays used to be for you as a kid. The list of presents and how they all were so relevant and cool. And the funny thing is, most of them would have existed in my generation, technology isnt TOO up and coming for them.

I found it fascinating to observe which ones she liked and then which ones she loved. It really began to show her own little personality coming out. She loved her new tea set she got. She instantly opened it, poured herself and her new doll fake tea and began sipping and talking to her doll. She is two and its already been informed to her that social activities are a highlight, along with tea drinking. My nephew was just stoked to be holding some green nobble thing, so he may be younger but likes green.

I spent an entire time packing parcels to different parts of the world today (helping out at work on Mondays with the orders as it is quite busy) with some work mates quoting Monty Python. It is impressive it is a topic that can last that long, not many other shows or movies could top the quotable of quotable movies. No? "We are the knights who say 'nee'. Reminds me of memories of staying up very late with school friends and thinking we were the best, cause we just discovered Monty Python. Poor school teachers who have to put up with the phase of grade 9 boys constantly quoting... Bless em.

Warm concrete or brick walls, from the morning sun, are bliss. Or from the afternoon sun and its just gotten dark and you walk past and can feel it radiate.

Had a model come in for a casting today. After we took a few snaps and said cool, thats all we need, he then asked if we could take some more and then began to pose. The odd thing was, he was being serious. So Sean then felt he had to take some more photos and act like it was totally normal for this to occur. Who has that in their head to ask for more photos? Maybe to make the moment last? Dunno... Tempted to put up a few of the photos, but probably a breach of privacy or something.

Tigh is in my head a lot...

A lady walked into our office yesterday for a meeting. She casually walked across to the other side of the office to look at the plasma TV and asked me what the specs were. I dont really have these on the back of my hand or on file in my lizard handbook, so had to say I didnt know. She was TV shopping and wanted advice. I smiled and kept making a coffee.

Remember... be cool. And hangout with Steve.

Setting a T

A fragrance is cool for a while and you wear it often and then one day you realise you havent worn it in ages and then smell it and go, that smells like young memories, not todays. And based on that, it can be off putting and you pull out your new fragrance and go, yes, thats today.

Off to my niece's 2nd birthday this afternoon. Already two... and its awesome seeing her become her own little person. I am on a mission prior to find some bath toys for her. Currently she has two shampoo lids... which is poor form. Maybe it creates more creativity, those shampoo lids could be container ships and carry hundreds of ponies across the seas? Though I guess because when I had bathtime as a kid, having toys to play with was crucial. Though really I had a lot of shampoo bottles who became people of a sea town. I think it was sea town anyways... SO bath toy hunt begins soon, or should I just buy a whole set of shampoo bottles? Cheap skate uncle..

Those times when you feel you should educate yourself more led me to stumble on "10 historic facts that are false"... which was quite interesting. One being that greek statues were actually brightly painted and not actually marble looking... and the pyramids were highly polished limestone that even shone brightly at night. My work here is done, to educate myself some more and even now you, are enlightened.

Spoke to Tigh on the phone for an hour yesterday. Was quite a helpful but also a hard phone call. No idea where it will head but even in the end of the day if it helps with understanding and healing, then that isnt a bad thing.

I walk into a room, there are people having punch, a non descript woman laughs, in a non descript way. Then the music plays.


I am really liking this song (which I have worked out how to embed in my blog, thanks mice) Great lyrics, and I dont usually listen to lyrics straight off. People are either music focussed or lyrics focussed in a song. I follow the tune and beat and feel, then notice lyrics later. Can be annoying when you discover the lyrics to be declaring your love for getting down on the floor.