Taxation

So I just completed my tax return once again. Its that time of year for Australians and the wonderful online etax system is great. There is a lot of clicking "no" involved throughout the questionaire and some of them are fantastic questions accountants simply and purely.. adore. And to me, they sound like the questions I would be asked while preparing for takeoff to the moon. Same difference really. Actually there is a lot of differences between tax and trips to the moon.

My Dad made the effort the other day to come to my house for dinner. He was an hour late but that didnt matter, was still for him to attempt to find my house in the laneways of the inner west. He parked 1KM from my house and then walked and got lost. No attempt to call me either. He got here and I impressed him with some sort of jarred curry (jarred as in, came from a jar, not.. a way of spattering or keeping over a-jar a piece of chicken). Ended in a cup of tea and hearing about how his new house is coming along that is being built. He also asked me if I wanted to go on the Cradle Mountain walk again. This is in Tasmania, and I was dragged along on it when I was 14 years old and it takes 6 days. Its a beautiful walk and maybe when I was 14 I didnt appreciate it AS much but I still have memories of the rarity of what I was doing compared to most 14 year olds at my school. So whether I go on it again with my Dad and my brother possibly. Could be another life experience, we all keep getting older and stuff.

Dont accidentally let your shopping trolley go down the ramp to the shops, as it may hit an old lady who then explains she just had a hip replacement.

What extracurricular activity should I do? I seem to distract myself with mundane and time wasting things like the internet and TV shows that arent out in Australia yet when I could be.. doing Tai Kwon Do or... Salsa dancing. Or do I get told I should be doing stuff like that. I would probably take up some sort of dance class or something physical, so I can have a variety of things keeping me fit along with forcing myself to be social with people I dont know from the beginning. Which is always good. Its easy to just get home everyday and dump keys, wallet and phone on the shelf, sit down at the laptop and then notice oh wow 4 hours have passed and what did I do..

I have a photo on my desk of mum, dad, my two older brothers and myself. Mum is pregnant with my sister.

Wowzers. Someone working as a script writer on Inspector Gadget surely has to be penned for making up that word. Or he/she overheard it in an elevator one time.

Right, off to a house party now. My friend challenged me to go, cause its his friend's party and I wont know anyone and so its another throw in the deep end moment and see how well I swim. I need these situations.

July is pretty darn cold..

The last week has been 2 degrees at night. This is Australia, not London. OK now that I have vented that I can also justify how lame I am that I have an electric blanket. It cures the cold really. Until its time to get up at 6am and go for a run.

The hill near my house is where I go for a run. When I leave to go there its dark so the first time I run up the hill there are other dark objects there too, they are other humans and canines. Then the sun begins to rise and the shapes get lighter and they dont all seem like criminals anymore but old ladies with their foo foo dogs.

The view up the top is just simply worth seeing. Probably more from the perspective of me who grew up in Sydney and from this hill you can see every part of Sydney, even the pretty airport..

I visited my family home last weekend and finally lugged some more of my possessions back to my home. In it was my coke bottle collection which naturally everyone has and realised I have nowhere to put it let alone display... into storage it goes. Along with all my written diaries I wrote in the space of 2003-2006. It is quite haunting to read them. They are written to God as such and how I felt. There is so much guilt and apologies in there, cause of how trapped and lost I felt, I couldn't even write the word gay in there, in case someone read it, but just kept begging God to change me and for me not to give up. I am simply so thankful I was given the path to get out of that mind. Though also makes me sad thinking of hw many people are still out there feeling that. I believe God never wants people to feel this guilt and hopelessness about who they are.

Holidays.. I want to decide where to go. I could go to London again and spend some time there for two to three weeks. Or go somewhere like NYC. Though both are expensive but full of possible adventures. Or the other thought would be to just stay here and do something local.

Sometimes I still censor things on here because of the worry certain people read it and dont want to offend or hurt them. I guess that is understandable, but then there is so much going on that I cant even begin to say and it looks like all I have to say is stuff about running up hills and coke bottle collections.

I also got my piano back in the house. Play Lloyd, Play.

Rat in Trap.

I walked to my car last night in the cold. I reached my car and in the streetlight I saw that my car had a large rat on top of it, dead, inside a rat trap. I looked at it, picked up the trap and threw it onto the grass of the footpath. I then got in my car and drove away. It wasnt until later that I thought about how odd that was, that there was a rat trap with a dead rat in it.. on my car at 6pm on a Thursday night, in a residential street. I could look to it and go, hmm random prank by school kid, deliberate prank against me by a mastermind or somehow the rat dragged the trap to the car, up onto the car, laid his head down and decided that was the right time and moment to take his own life. Then I totally forgot about it then told everyone at work around the food court at lunch today and their reactions of disgust and amazement made me realise just how odd it was. The mystery.. shall never be solved.

Married by 30?

I was driving this morning and remember I I told myself at 21 that if I had to be married by 30, otherwise I would not be living life and running from it instead. What on earth was going through that 21 year old brain. OK so I still have 4 years. Do I still want to get married and would that even be possible by the time I am 30? Will marriage be legal and does it even have to be if its about making a public commitment to a partner? Oh the questions. Friday mornings I shall declare non thinking mornings I reckon.

Though in regards to concepts of partners, I think I wonder if I am slightly mental. The concept is nice but when it gets more likely and there is potential I freak out a little. Why... I think it is because walls have to go down and trust has to build up. An even balance.. Keep working on it I guess.

Spent the day in the park with my siblings, and my niece and nephew. Neice is old enough to walk around and interact with other 2 year olds and its just so interesting to observe social interactions of that age. Its instant like or dislike. It seems to go like this:

Hey come and sit in this playhouse with me and we can pull faces at the two kids through the hole or hey I dont like you and I will shrivel up my face to prove this. Then go have a chocolate shake and then off to watch the wiggles in the living room.

Is it wrong that me and Chem sat and watched people ice skating around a rink the other day just so we could watch people fall over? Nah.

Classic Clarks..

I bought a pair of Clark leather shoes in LA and they are nifty. Pretty daring for me cause you know, you wanna have that edginess with fashion and stuff but then you wanna feel slightly safe. Cause if you just look like a knob wearing glasses that look like you stole them from Dorris at the Nursing home (no idea why you would be at the nursing home stealing glasses) then you just miss the point. So the shoes are nice and comfy but whether I have morals against the fact they were from a thrifty shop and therefore worn already by someone else, that isnt me, and so is that health regulated wrongness? Hm nah... I am sure they washed it out with the tap.

So LA... Spread out, slightly glitzy, slightly ugly and dirty, food was gross and the people were in your face. But I found it fascinating and would go again simply to people watch. Is that a religion... to people watch? I guess you arent worshiping the people but the act of watching. So necessarly not.

Some of the highlights were being in between two cabbies who were fighting and shouting abuse at each other for about 5 minutes and still undecided if they were kidding or not. One was accused of being a monkey, twice. Another highlight was seeing our photoshoot come together and work and look amazing. Once it was in the can, I could relax.

Went to Universal studios and discovered I really hate scary themed attractions. I clung onto Kiah and Tim's back through a haunted house, but mainly cause I have a phobia of live actors jumping out at you. Maybe it linked to brothers doing a similar thing while growing up. Though was a fun day and was their busiest day of the year though we were wanky and had VIP badges and cut through all queues. Cant imagine it would be a fun day if you had to queue.






















You know when people ask you how a trip was and what did you do... and you are blank. I think cause those memories and moments were just for you and no point relaying them. You will remember then when you want to and need to. Not just to fill in a conversation.

A lot of closure currently still.. with Tigh saying bye the other day, which is sad but I guess needs to happen. And a few other chapters opening up, one starting and one a bit of a preview, not talking about any specifics but just new friends and opportunities. Like for anyone. So go keep living life people.

and this writing is great.

Back from the Plastic.

Wow. So it came and went. As predicted.

Landed in LA and it was pouring. We found the shuttle bus to the Avis car hire and then convinced Nevan to drive as there was no way in hell I wanted to. This began the four days of intensity and fun and craziness that was Los Angeles and the aussieBum crew's visit. But right now I am slightly tipsy and couldnt be stuffed explaining what we did exactly, so will wait til the weekend.

Wow short post huh.

City of Angels..

Last Friday I received a text from my boss asking me to get quotes for Sydney to LA return. A few texts later, found out me and some work mates were off to LA for a photo shoot 6 days later. Now its the night before we fly off to this City of Angels, Kiah said there were angel sightings there 300 years ago, thats why its called that.

Tired, hasnt sunk in and just been non stop. But bring it on! We get to explore LA for the first few days and then the final day is the actual shoot. So much creativity buzzing, it feels great! Havent been to LA since 1989. I dont really remember it, but I do remember Disneyland and posing with Dale from Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers, the idiot in the costume leaned on my head too much and it hurt. Its odd, the memories you keep from a theme park 21 years ago. Including the random coca cola tracksuit i used to always wear... made an appearance at Disneyland. See below. Ignore streamer.

Since the other owner of the company is away as well, I have been helping with the fittings. Kind of odd but at same time not that fussed, standing in the work gym, in a jockstrap, talking about whether the pouch of my crotch is comfortable and what was bunching up etc, for the production person Claudia. Things you do for your job.

Had a housewarm

ing on the weekend. Loved it. Special people in my home to chat and share my new space with, along with my fantastic flatmates. Though dancing on wet wooden floor in ugg boots isnt really the best hey.. wake up the next morning with bruises from slip ups.. And also laughter from others, which is always kinda fun. Making others laugh is fun. Better than making them cry I say.

Eyelids are heavy, heart is like a heart monitor and mind is ready to rest. Goodnight and soar off tomorrow.

A knitting cafe

So sitting in a cafe that specializes in knitting and caters for this. Waitin for my friend Lucy as she is lost and it's quite amusing. The cafe owner looks pissed since I have sat here and ordered one tea and nothing else. I'm a tight ass I guess!

Meeting with Lucy as she is one person who will really get what I experienced this week.

My birthday was great, lots of simple fun and had a few good friends to have drinks with. Headed down the coast the next day and saw mum in her new place. She has nicely made me a cake which was a feeling of a distant memory from old times, though she had cut a big chunk out already cause she was hungry the night before. I could read into that but I won't! She has this cute puppy called Ben and it does make me happy he will keep her company.

Saw my nan and pop too, and for once they didn't argue, which I sort of missed.. It's like watching a TV show.

Oh the waiter has now allowed himself to explain why he is grumpy, the cafe is closed now and I came in last minute. Silly.. So we went to another cafe down the road, looks like a plant nursey and Lucy had a spikey plant stabbing her in her neck. The whole experience of nature in one cafe, though didn't see any buffalo.

So I read the email to her I received from Heather. It renounced all past support of accepting homosexuality and denouncing it now. She has sat by my side in the past and seen how shattered I have been with emails like this, so it's a betrayal to send an email like that. I rspect her decision but to send it in words like that is simply unloving and don't understand what God she is living under. Cause if he instructs those kinds of actions then do we want to know him? It is hypcritical of the love and unconditional love advertised.

Saw a dog stumble and do a backflip out the boot of a car yesterday, not injured, just one of those moments, even animals screw up, amusing.





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That time of year..

So I woke to red lights. I had forgotten to turn off my red funky string of lights that makes my room feel like some sort of redlight district inside. You know, good and reputable. 5am on the clock. And it was now officially my birthday once again. If it was 10 years earlier, I would be waiting for the creaking of the floorboards up the stairs as my family tried to be quiet and sneak up to my bedroom door with bacon and eggs with candles stuck into the egg, singing an off key "happy birthday". Clatter of cutlery as they somehow think they will surprise me. Even though I am a kid and expect this, since it occurs to all of us kids in the family for our birthday and birthdays are like christmas, up at 5am.
This time I am an adult, yep, adult. And the silence of the room is there. Plumber is getting here in five minutes so I throw clothes on (cant have a shower cause our shower is still broken... hence the plumber) and stand in the lounge room and stare through the blinds.. its getting cold outside.
Last night Chem and I went to dinner to Korean BBQ and was very amusing, especially when the waiter presented us with two cokes, but his accent made it sound like something else. Guess. And naturally we were immature about it.
Then went up to the Bank Hotel for drinks. I saw a guy sitting there alone, looking at his phone constantly. Instantly I knew... yep, internet date. I mentioned it to Chem and he agreed though didnt think it was. 5 mins later a guy walked in and we both went, yep here is the date. He walked over and we watched the awkwardness begin. People watching is fascinating, though with Chem it is slightly obvious, but thats amusing in itself.
We headed back a bit tipsy, stoked we now could simply walk home from the bar and to the same house. It will be one of those chapters in my life where I will look back on fondly.

Head down the coast tomorrow, to visit Mum for Mother's day and see her new puppy, a golden retriever called Ben. Shall be an interesting day no doubt! And then to go to my cousin's 21st, which will be also interesting as its a small coastal town pub and the characters there make up for many in Sydney.

Happy Birthday... Me. 26.