Fantastic Mr Fox

There have been some early morning starts, and on my way through the park, I see a fox. Now some of you, maybe even most of you, would think this is not odd. It is odd. CBD Parks at 6am prior to lightness usually only have possums, maybe a keen cyclist who is break the rules of no riding in the park and lots of trees and grass. Not a fox. And this fox was the kind of fox I think about when I think of the fox Roal Dahl would have based his book on. Will also point out that the average Aussie has not seen a fox in person before. I cannot speak for every Australian as I am sure the outback ones and country ones see them often, or the remains that Foxes have left behind in cliche chicken slaughters. But not I.
Walking along in the dark towards work, the fox is just standing there on the grass next to me. I feel like I am in an episode of some surreal scene from Six Feet Under and having a moment with a wild animal as we keep staring at each other. He is panting and has some fog coming out of his breath, and then he runs in circles and stops again. Like he is wanting to play. I am still partly waking up and so confused as to what I am seeing is real. There is a deserted garbage truck nearby and the fox kept running around it. I was trying to work out if the garbage man was inside and he has a pet fox. For some reason that was my best conclusion. I just kept walking.
Then the next week, same place in the park, there was the fox. I had mentioned the previous time to a few friends and they all said "are you sure it is not a possum?" I know what a bloody possum looks like. Orange, small dog size, very fast and darty, big bushy tail and white underside. He looks so happy and stoked to be alive and running around. Though this time the garbage truck was not there so either garbage man was sneaking in the bushes watching or he did not exist and this was a wild fox that just happened to setup camp in this park. Would make sense, plenty of vermin and stuff around and hey, how many brave foxes get to the CBD to live? Some do obviously. So he is actually Fantastic Mr Fox. This time I fumbled and turned my music off on my iPhone and it was still, he was panting again, run a bit, look at me, run some more. I went to take a photo, but this made him bolt off under a tree in the dark. So I kept walking. Til next time Fox.

A Brazilian guy I dated for a very short while turned up at my door the other night, very late and very drunk. He came in, I asked him what was wrong and he started getting upset and told me he loved me, over and over again. I didnt know what to say. That word is so precious to me, so did not understand why someone would say that, especially when he didnt know me for that long and has not seen me in a while either.

There was a clairvoyant at work last week. She had been hired as "entertainment" for the Night sessions of Tut. I had never done anything like that before and was slightly curious, she was doing tarrot card readings. My colleagues went to her, and then I finally did. It was a 5 minute session and didnt really get much from it but hey, it was in a cafe in a museum. So the jury is out on that one.

I have a photoshoot coming up, I will share the results once they have happened. Getting off my ass more and being constructive. Like a Construction worker at a construction site. Constructing things.

And my mint plant sucks. I tried, I tried to look after it but it died. There is this one bug that lives in it though so at least I made something a home. This home will be transported to outside in the dull garden, to make more homes. I really am a life giver.

And this song, some truth in it.

3am

The quiet noise of the ABC news radio music, with the gentle tone of how many hours it is. 3. The official Australian ABC accent of the newsreader, not quite British and not quite Australian, kind of like a grandfather I never knew. The hum of the car. The smell of my blanket and pillow, safe and warm. Constant sleepiness, as my family heads to some holiday. Two more hours until McDonalds breakfast and until my sister and I can choose the music, and not have the ABC radio on. Randomly getting bored and I poke my sister's ear through the pillows on her side of the car.

Have you ever decided to speak in random gibberish while looking in the mirror, imagining yourself as foreign? Yeah neither.

I had a good time with Dad when he was down. I think the main lesson I learnt is, if you ask your parents questions, they actually might answer in an open and honest way when you are both adults. I learnt so much. And I got to go to dinner with Dad and an old school mate of his. Watching them talk about the funny and eventful memories they have from when they were my age and younger gave me a grin. It is those times I do see myself in my Dad.

I attempted a favourite slice of mine that I have always wanted to be able to make. And somehow, it worked! Though Dorris and Bev never showed up for afternoon tea.


I like the Weepies. I cant recall if I have said this before and it is not about their name. If anything, their band name is quite sad when their music is quite raw and happy. Well, this one isnt as much, but I still like them. They bring back sad, sometimes painful but also happy memories. This is from their latest album and they sound just as good live, rare rare rare.



Sometimes I find writing here, I write everything but what the main thought of mine is right now. I try and suck out any other random passing thoughts, even for just a second, so that I do not type what I am really thinking. Like a dog that is really selective about what cats to chase. Or like a bus that is picking everyone up, not just the seniors.

Personalised Street

I have this awesome new scarf, it is awesome simply because it was made for me. My friend Lucy actually knits, and she has since I have known her, and I finally have something that was made for me, clothing wise. The knit feels soft and when you run your fingers over each loop in the stitching, it is a loop, every loop, that was made with a purpose of creating warmth. Whoah whoah, lets not go deep with knitting!

I hate sunny windy days. It defeats the purpose of the sun. Love overcast windy days because they make sense to me. They tell me to stay inside and nap, or watch episode 5 of season 5 of Weeds, maybe episode 6 too. But sunny days in general, you feel you should go outside, but if the wind is howling, you still feel you cannot be inside. See my point? Yeah thought so. Pretty sure Sue does, while she types up that report for Mr Ruso. Dont ask me who Sue is.

Dad has just landed at Melbourne Airport, he should get to my house soon. He is here to visit for a few days, I feel lucky that he makes the effort to come here. So the pressure is on to make it fun, though already have plans for a dinner tonight with Marissa and Dad.

I still like my street sign, it is "My Road". I could use many metaphors, or the other one that is like a metaphor, on the symbolism of this. But then I dont get to talk about how awesome cream is on top of porridge. Brown sugar, milk and a small serving of cream, makes porridge just OK.

Love this photo... A fun and relaxing morning up the mountains a few weeks ago. I already did a report on that.




PS I like this song. I think the trumpet reminds me of the ABC News song, which you know, romantic and stuff. "?".

Bells Beach. I am so warm.

I feel that in my life, every relationship I have had, I feel either they owe me something or I owe them something, for the hurt they or myself caused. Is this true for everyone? My first serious relationship, I hurt her a lot and I think I felt I always had to owe her something for what I did. And maybe I still do feel like that. Then my first relationship with a guy, who I knew I loved, he hurt me, and ever since I feel he owes me. Maybe it is that feeling of, you need to give me that part of my heart back. I think about those I have hurt and I search out inside of me, what can I do to make amends. Is that the Christian in me? The way I was brought up? I am thinking I need to accept people hurt people, and vice versa. And evil intentions were never at work, and people mend. I feel I mend, but sometimes reintroduce that feeling of, I need to fill in that pain I caused. But I cant do that, it is not how it works. I dont wanna be one of those bitter angry gay men in their 40s who snap at people behind him at a concert who are "talking too loud".

And I find I am in a pattern. Arent we told we get into patterns? And that creates no expectations... Once again I face a situation I have been in before. The point here is not to spell out the specifics, but it makes us analyse ourselves, hey, at least I am consistent! Living for the moment is magical, but when the realism side of me kicks in, it kicks that magic in the gut.

I looked across the tram carriage tonight, 95% people stared at their phones. I shook my head at how we are such a head down, immersed in our own worlds with technology. Then glanced down, I had a blackberry and an iPhone in my hand. Hypocrite. Blackberry is for work, iPhone is totally for my social life. Phew, glad we got that cleared up.

That photo frame still sits there, nothing in it yet. There are plenty of photos I could pull out in my boxes in the other room, but I just have no desire.

When Patrick is on the phone he doodles a lot, and mainly sketches eye glasses. Bad ones.

I bought more bubblegum balls for my bubblegum ball machine. My Pop gave it to me when I was 10. You have to put money in, but only small coins, bigger coins do not fit. Though if ants wanted to get inside without paying, they could.

Hipstamatic

I have a dislike for hipstamatic photos. Those photos that people place on facebook and twitter, that have a filter on them and usually of something pointless or non exciting, with or without the filter. I wanted to vent this, and then I can move on. Until I see another feed on my facebook wall of a random sign or quirky lunch that has a blue filter on it. Deep.

Marissa and I drove up to a place called Kallista today. It was beautiful. Good company, good music playing, and beautiful views. Though the auxiliary cord in Marissa's car has to be jammed into the glove box so the music plays through both speakers. It makes it more novel. We made a few wrong turns but that just meant we got there faster, as google maps I think deliberately chooses the slower route, to act superior. That or it was a massive fluke.

We entered the cute little tea house with trees surrounding it. We ordered bowls of hot drink and sat there and talked. Marissa sketched and we talked about writing. And arts and magazines. Oh I have to stop there cause this is sounding like some sort of... organic and peace loving world. It was but dont worry we went back to Melbourne after and found some maccas cup in the gutter and a grumpy man impatient at the traffic lights.

I have been quite cultured this last week. I went to a musical called "Next to Normal" and apart from the bad American accents, it wasnt half bad. So maybe a bit more than half cause of the bad American accents. I also went to see the opening of the Melbourne International Jazz Festival. I dont know why I was there, as I hate Jazz. But it was with my friend Damian and his friend Emma who has become my friend along with another lovely lady Kirsten, so wanted to come.

I asked Emma in a whisper, "Do you like Jazz?" "Yes, do you?"
"No."
"What are you doing here?"
"I dont know"

Though it was actually quite good. Some guy ruined "Moon River" for me though. Eddie Perfect I think his name was. Shudder. It reminds me of falling asleep to Breakfast at Tiffany's on my first night in Singapore with Neal and my Bro and his wife. Makes me feel safe and chilled..

Still

A wise man told me recently that the loop I feel I am in... Can be a good thing. A time in your life where you can watch and learn.

And it is true, I am finding I can focus on watching and observing people, experiences and simply sitting still.

I bought a world map, and stuck it to my wall above my half built IKEA table. It is half built as only half the table was for sale. The other half wasn't. I am waiting for it to be, and so in the mean time I have a table with no top. Some may think this is dumb but I think it is edgy. Without the edges. The map was sitting happily until I was in my room and heard it lightly fall off. I didnt think much of it til I remembered that right below it were three candles. I jumped out of bed and raced into the living room. My ears are special and thank goodness they are. Elephant like, just not in size but the amount of noise that would be picked up by that spacial area of an elephant ear. Raced in and yep, my map was on fire. Blowing and blowing and it was out. Close call, as the table with no table top would have caught fire, stainless steel is dangerous. I placed it back on the wall, my map just became more artistic, now with all of Brazil burnt out, that's fine though, I just won't invite any brazilians over.
I do wonder though if the flame only burning Brazil means that Brazil is hot? Scorching even.

Waiting for a tram currently. Though the others who were waiting for it all walked off, damnit I wanna know what they know.




We had an event at the museum the other night. So bloody fun... My friend Marissa livened up everyone and even a random man jumped in a photo I took. Thanks random man.

I called mum earlier. She was distracted and giving directions to Glenda. Though told me off the cuff my Pop is in hospital and had a turn for the worse. Then she hung up.. Thanks Mum!

Tram arrived. Those losers missed the tram.

Loop

So I am sure you all find, that the loop occurs in your life. Sometimes it is often, sometimes it doesnt pop up as much. For some, it never happens but they are lying to themselves. The loop, when you find yourself doing the same thing over and over. Whether it is laziness, staleness or just nothing you can actually change to stop it. For me right now, it is laziness.

Even now, while I write this, my mouse pointer hovers over a tab to read another webpage, anything but face my own structure of thinking, to actually push my cogs in my head to come up with constructive sentences. But then, it isnt that dramatic. I am not struggling in some depressive state, I am having a lot of fun. But I am hard on myself, especially when I move cities and I expect a certain something, and I fall into the lazy routine. When is my photography course? Oh I cant afford it. Really? Yes. Nah I think I can, I just have had the same fear as a kid, where I would be going into a room with strangers and not having any safety net. Noone I knew to talk to but just feel the initial uncomfortable feeling of being alone there. When really, they would all be on the same page, keen to learn like I am. Get some balls Lloyd. No, not that kind. Hey at least I have seen every episode of Dr Who from the new season. That will challenge my life...

I was walking through my exhibition the other day, and I saw a little girl, about three years old. She was kneeling down looking at the golden coffin of Tut's Great Grandmother and had her mother standing next to her(I am assuming, she could have been her cousin, surrogate mother or preschool teacher). I overheard her say with a deadpan face, "If my Daddy was in there, he would be dead and I would never see him again." I kept walking but that sentence stuck with me, whether she is just grasping the concept of death, or she really dislikes her Dad today.

What has happened since my birthday? I have attempted running a few times again, went to the grocery shop four times, paid for a tram trip 5 times, learnt to cook Chinese food, saw 'Love Never Dies' (the kid in that really needs to go back to school), read a few chapters of London: The Novel, planned a trip to Sydney, check my letterbox twice a day for my birthday present from my family, feed poison to the snails in the letterbox, bought a bar table and danced to Beirut 4.5 times. In my bedroom and slightly in my kitchen. Here is one of their tracks 'Scenic World', I will let you watch it twice:




I walked up the Shrine of Rememberence the other day when a mate of mine Dave came to visit from Sydney. Loved the view. I hated the blood my shin produced walking up there.

Mothers

Mother's day and I am on the fence if I think it is a crap commercial venture or actually a day set aside to really appreciate mothers. Like we have Remembrance day for those who have sacrificed their lives and died fighting for freedom, so why not have one to remember mothers who have sacrificed nothing and lived their lives happily looking after us? My mum is somewhere in Australia in a caravan with her partner, and she called me for my birthday yesterday, so we have chatted I reckon. Though I do miss making crap mother's day cards... Cause they were works of art and placed on the fridge or the "good" cabinet in the living room amongst the Chilean pottery houses.

6 years today, since my Dad found out that my Mum was having an affair with another woman. It was on Mother's day, the morning after my 21st. I now say that with no way near as much hurt inside. Everyone is on such a happier page and grown for the better. Living lives that reflect what they need.

OK I feel cheesy when I go too deep on here.

My birthday was great. Nice and simple with some friends for dinner and drinks. I find the older you get, the less expectation you have.

The following day I went for lunch with a friend, but a few hours beforehand I realised the only jeans that were NOT wet in the washing machine were the ones I wore for my birthday. Though these stank of cigarettes cause of the club I was in and I had to hang outside with my smoker mates. Anyways I decided I would try that trick of placing my jeans in the freezer, as this is mean to remove the smell from them. You may not have heard of this but people in jeans shops have told me numerous times that its better to place them in freezer and NOT wash them. I placed them in the freezer for two hours, just a note though, dont put them straight on after the freezer. Tad cold. They still stank of smoke and now slightly of frozen food goods. I began strolling down the street, slightly uncomfortable as the backs of my jeans kept touching my leg, and the cool jeans just did not suit Melbourne Autumn. As I got closer to the lunch venue, I placed my hand inside my pocket, there were about 10 frozen peas in my pocket, half defrosted and stuck to my reading glasses.. Yeah, damn Jeans people I am never listening to you again.

I want to place a picture up. It is one given to me by a friend, it really made me laugh and was given to me for my birthday. Presenting... the people he believes he was inviting to my birthday. Including him of course!

Festival

It is about 4 days til my birthday and you know, why not make it festival. Do everything I usually do but just know it is my birthday. Festivalised.

So to quickly catchup, had my sister and bro in law come down, was really enjoyable having them come and stay and show them a bit of Melbourne. Lou didnt like the random sculpture in the alleyway of the man who had hung himself. Come on Lou, it is art.





















We had some nice strolls and visited my Uncle Phil down south in Elwood, and had a good old family day or two. I attempted to use my camera more, to express the moment but it failed... mainly cause Lou and Dean refused to have an autumn leaf fight for me. Come on, leaves down your back, they feel good after a while. Bonus if you get some flecks of dirt too, the cold and wet kind that sticks to leaves that have been laying there a while.

Dean, Me and Lou.












Easter came and went. As did ANZAC day, as did Kate and Williams wedding.

Went to a nature park with Nick, Matt and Kait. We did silly poses, cause we were the cool kids who had seen all these animals a hundred times. So we can even impersonate them. Talk to them and see how they are doing in 21st Century Australia.














































I really just want to take a break, but how can you when you already are. I work three days a week and have four days off to myself. Gym is not happening, why? Cause.. there is some sort of reason. I am craving structure, like a bottle craves the sea. Bobbing up and down, sending a message to some lady.

I turn 27 and I have done the whole facebook invite out to a few friends and NO idea where to go for drinks or dinner. Melbourne has so many options there is the pressure to choose something good. Or should I just choose something fun and cheesy. No, Karaoke can be banned. Along with cook your own steak nights. Cause that is always a failure. Well I am sure I will find something and the night will come and go.

A kid walking through the exhibition said to his friend yesterday, "This King Tut guy is richer than I am, I dont like him now."

I find cheap cornflakes taste just as good as the Kellogs ones. Even if it isnt real corn, but ground up bits of corn husk. Corn Husk is great for the finger nails I hear.

I didnt have any wine in my house, now I have three bottles. But when you live alone, you cant open a bottle unless committing to the whole thing. Oh wait, what am I doing even considering drinking a bottle to myself alone. Back peddle on that one.

So here is to another year. Live life like a movie.