Halloween?

Halloween, a holiday that has been imported to other countries, successfully and unsuccessfully. As a kid, I assumed it was an odd holiday in E.T. When they put a sheet over him and made him walk around. I grew up thinking it was pure evil and one day me and some friends were singing a kids song that had the word "ghoul" and "witch" in it. I was called over by my friends Dad and told off for encouraging the younger kids to sing such a sinful song. I was 9, and quite confused as to why.

So now tonight is my first Halloween. People from work are having a big party, semi celebrating the handover of work with a major film we have been working on. So its a big piss up really, and I am going to be social and you know, have fun and stuff. Will probably end up drinking a little too much, dancing a little too much but everyone liking me for it. Funny how thats the case.

Not much planned for the weekend yet, but I am so shit at remembering stuff like that I say maybe to everything and then when the actual events come around I dont go to anything since I have either a) forgotten or b) forgotten. Though Heather and I will go on some adventure on Sunday probably!

Neal, well we have had a few more chats, it seems it is going to be too hard to be friends. Seeing him become a zombie in front of me, because he is disconnecting emotionally (totally understandable) just plain sucks. To see someone who you shared your life with for quite a while, turn into a stranger who you cant even hug anymore. So I think the Jury is out as to whether we will see or talk at the moment full stop, though there is no point putting up rules, cause there is just the temptation to break them. I respect his decisions and he respects mine, and to help each other move on we will do what is needed. So if thats not talking then ok.

I plan to start scripting next week for a music video I am doing for a mate. It should be fun, and I got so much more use out of Denise my chicken to come!!

Es Regnet....

So its raining, tomorrow its gonna be really hot, then rain again the following day. Its called October in Sydney, Australia. The place where we have no real spring weather, just hot cold hot cold until hot grasps hold and pushes cold away. The same happens in April with Autumn, though the opposite of course.

I was walking past the townhouse next door to my work and a small stuffed harp seal landed at my feet. I heard a giggle and looked up, a little girl was poking her head out the window above and grinning. She was holding what looked like a stuffed octopus (the toy kind not the.. preserved sea creature type) and with one big throw, well for a small girl, it landed down next to the harp seal. She was stoked.. Having the time of her life pretending to kill or possibly make her stuffed toys fly. It just made me smile, and reminded me of the time I would have done that.

Though my toys were a stuffed blue dog, blue elephant and blue teddy bear. They were somehow a family and I was God to them. I built them a house out of a box the new fridge came in when I was 7, and I took them everywhere and they all had their own voices. Now I feel better that this has now been recorded in the written word, cause who else gives a shit?? Ha ha.

In the same afternoon I walked down the alleyway near my work and my favourite colour was before me, in the image of a tree with brand new leaves. That colour of yellow mixed with green that suggested brand new life, soft and fresh. I took a photo and thought hey I am cool, going straight to the blog.

Today its raining, so this is deceiving if I said the photo was taken today, it was actually yesterday.

So spring is here, its raining, but hey new life maybe? Or is that cliche and way too positive.

Backwards or Forwards?

An event in time always makes us go back and forwards in different ways. Just like the small wave on the water, can rock a boat, move it a little, floating wherever.

I saw Neal last night. Always good seeing him, and knowing that energy that is there between us. Though I guess last night pushed me backwards, missing him, doubting if I made the wrong decisions, but also pushed me forward. Not wanting to seek out random hookups or guys in general. Knowing he is moving on, hurts like hell, but he needs to, he has his life and not fair him waiting around to get my life sorted. So its good to know things are changing.

But I know for me, nothing wont really fill that gap so there is no point trying. So will keep marching down the road, since either side of me has "No entry" signs.

Onto lighter things, I saw the blind man today that I knocked over, he didn't see me. Oh, I didnt even think of how that was inappropriate or deliberate. It was not meant to be funny.

Grocery shopping tonight. I dislike it when my sister makes me go and then she makes me hurry, when I am sidetracked by "buy 5 for $6" signs. I dont think I would eat that much bran anyways. Though possibly the woman to my left might. She sniffs sometimes, probably not regular.

Ha ha some people who read my blog wonder if I am still learning English, or it is a second language because it can be quite stunted. I wasnt offended I believe.
This week looks quite simple but I am sure those are the weeks that turn out not so simple!
My first Halloween ever this Friday night with people from work. Some photos might even get put up!

Until then... Do not wear a black mask and red tie while holding alcoholic ginger beer. It gets you no-where.

Constructive

So things seem to go upside down and then become a lot more constructive. Then they go back to being that upside down thing again.

About a month since my last blog.. surely not!! I totally lose track of time and forget this exists. Mainly cause I have a fear of writing and something good not coming out. Or laziness.. Or forgetfulness but this has already been mentioned.

So.. update.

Work: Going fine, been there 6 weeks now. I get along with pretty much everyone and some of them are brilliant. Even. We shall see how I go with my chat once my trial is finished in begining of November but all should be fine. Some of the producers have even offered to show me what they know etc.

Feelings: Well, hey does anyone really care? We all got them.. I miss Neal quite often. I freak out and panic, wondering what the hell am I doing? I had an amazing guy, who shared himself with me. The safety and security and the love I had. Now its me and some unreliable thing called me. Though I am reminded by friends/Neal that this is for the best right now.

I read this book called "The Shack" by William Young. About a man's experience with God one weekend. It was really quite challenging. My past seems to be more up front and not as bitter, with the knowledge that if there is a God, he isnt one to throw lightning at me, but one to give me a hand.

I had lunch with an old friend today, who asked me why dont I write more, or why dont I do the things I love more? My answer: Because so many people already do this, too much competition. Well I got told off instantly for that answer. He is an opera singer, and said, "Lloyd other people sing, yet I do it. Dont make this about other people". Shut down! Pretty bloody true.

So here I am writing blogs again, that I have NO idea if anyone reads apart from a few nice friends who comment sometimes. Well hey, the purpose like I have said before is anything but to have a massive following, but for me to get into habits of writing.

Oh fun story. .well not heaps fun. I was trying to find some gum in my pocket, tripped on the entrance to a car rental place, and slashed my foot open cause my thong (flip flop, not the underwear) fell off at the same time. So I got an injured foot. I wont post an image cause this is not the type of blog to explore such species as that.

I am boring, I dont have much to put up photo wise. So lets... all... see...... a music video I made with my best buddy Heather a few months ago.