That feeling...

4 days before I go on holiday. And that same gut ache I had before I went to London, is here again.

The pressure is placed on at work.. to get things done before I go, and things with romance just dont always go to plan. Not saying that in a whinge way, just unsure what to expect these days. Though as usual, feel like I should not write about it here, which is ironic.

I looked into my sister's eyes today. There was so much sadness. It almost made me well up with tears. Mum was visiting and as usual, everyone pretended there was this happy medium and families played normal. But I could see she was silently screaming. And it broke my heart.

No matter how many distractions there are, there are still the moments when you cant find another and you have to think about the past, the present and the future. There are so many clever sayings about all three of these states and how we can approach it all with a chirp and a smile. We dont chirp as we are not birds, but you get what I mean. But when you look at the reality of things, you can either choose to drown in the overwhelming feeling of what life is, or you can choose to keep going. Hoping it gets better and that all the spirals around you that make you sometimes spin a little, will get slower and push you forward to something with happiness.

This time next week I am gonna be hanging out with Tigh in Brookings, South Dakota. The week following I will be on a ferry looking at the Statue of Liberty and the week after that, looking at the white stone face of Abraham Lincoln in Washington DC. Then I hit the pavement again. We gotta keep going, anything else is an easy option.