Cold Water

So I havent posted for quite a while.. and as you can imagine, mainly cause of the lack of energy to adjust to everything here. You feel totally fine and pumped for the first few days and then you just run out of steam. When you start to feel like your holiday was surreal and so far away already and normality just keeps waving at you.

But had my Dad's 60th birthday a few weekends ago. That was just simply quality to see my Dad happy and content, after so much hurt he went through. He is in a place where he has so much love and fullness. Saw him get teary in his speech at the party and that just made my night, when you see your Dad show his emotions and its quite raw.

Saw random relatives at the party too, cousins and uncles and aunties. The hard thing these days is it has been quite a while since we were close, and so its just awkward when we used to know so much about each other. Sometimes its like talking to a stranger. We kind of look at each other and lots of nodding and silences occur. When I used to run around and catch lizards with my cousin Sarah and talk about how we felt about most parts of our life... now our conversation lasted 2 mins then standing there awkwardly. It makes me sad.. part of is it cause my life is so different to them now, being openly gay and non church related. Which is just a reality. But also understand if they simply just do not understand how to relate to me now.

Also had my nieces and nephew all there. Now I have three... its awesome. And its just amusing to look at myself and how fascinated and adoring I am of them. When I thought I never would be like that with kids. Just watching them learn and develop and find the coolest and simplest things just neat. We also went on a weekend away together, just us kids and their kids. Was great to get away. And think.

Another awesome (sarcasm usage of this word) was that facebook has deleted my account. I have to guess that is because I manage the aB facebook and uploaded a pic that was not appropriate. So I have been without it for 2 weeks now... and I am sad mainly cause of 4 years worth of photos and comments.. but at same time, shows how reliant we are on it, and so have decided if I DO get it back then I wont use it much at all. It is simply way too much of a consumer of my life and thoughts.

Blogs arent.